“Always
walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will.”
– Vernon Howard, American spiritual
teacher, author, and philosopher
I live by this motto. To me, there is nothing more challenging or
rewarding than keeping my eyes open to the new experiences before me.
However,
to see them is one thing; to take a risk and embrace them is something entirely
different.
I may
fail at what I try. Then again, I may succeed.
Do you
live for the failures, or are you willing to open up yourself to the possibilities
of success? I tell my clients that they wouldn’t be in my office if they chose to not live in fear of succeeding. Heading into this venture called “going to
counseling to fix something that’s wrong with me” isn’t easy. But neither is remaining
in the situation they are in, which may be comfortable but is in no way satisfying.
Please consider
the importance—and necessity—of change as you welcome 2013, with all the chances
for personal growth and healing that it offers. No matter how hopeless you may
feel about the situations you face, know that resources are available to help
you survive and even thrive. I’m not just talking about what you may get from
your counseling sessions, either. Consider, for example, how you might apply
what you learn from your therapist or on your own as you meet head-on the
struggles you may face at home, work, or elsewhere. Will you let your anxious or
depressive thoughts consume you, or will you take control of them, renewing
your mind?
Let God
answer the question for you. He tells us in Romans 12:2 that if we allow him to
do so, he will transform us into a new person by changing the way we think.
Then, the verse says, we will learn to know his will for us, which is good and
pleasing and perfect. Through our obedience in reframing our thoughts, seeking
alternative ways to view issues, situations, and persons, we become, as the
passage indicates, a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he finds acceptable.
Could it
be that easy? If it were that simple, why do so many clients continue to insist
that I tell them what God’s will is for their lives?
I don’t waver from my message that they
have no real way of knowing what his will is without putting their thoughts and
feelings in balance. By this, I mean that the best decisions occur when a
person’s thinking mind is equally poised with his or her feeling mind. Only
then can he or she find true wisdom for whatever dilemma is in front of them.
Anyone
who has been a client of mine for any length of time has seen my thinking / feeling
/ wise mind drawing. It is the Venn diagram that places the thinking mind in
the circle to the left, with the feeling mind occupying the circle to the
right. The wise mind is perfectly situated in the overlapping area in-between. The
diagram is based on concepts inherent in the cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
techniques espoused by Aaron Beck, and others—strategies that allow us to examine
our distorted thoughts instead of simply reacting to them. By choosing to base
our decisions on a more realistic understanding of the circumstances—one where
logic has as much of a say as emotions—we have a much better chance of making a
wiser decision, one that aligns with God’s will.
The
origins of CBT are not new. They predate Beck by thousands of years, going all
the way back to the first man, Adam.
God made
him with an intellect, emotions, and will. As Adam’s descendants, we carry the
blueprint of his DNA in us, and honor the Lord when we employ our thinking and feeling
minds in equal portions, enabling our will to match God’s purposes for our
lives.
We can’t
do so if we live primarily in our feeling mind, afraid or depressed. Fear shifts
the balance of power, letting emotions dominate behavior, throwing logic to the
wind. Prudence and practicality are set aside, leaving little hope of achieving
anything positive in God’s economy, or ours.
For example,
though we may not feel like listening to our boss, really hearing what he or she
has to say, we take a deep breath anyway, asking the Lord to help us get
attuned (quickly) to the words coming out of his or her mouth, instead of counting
the seconds until he or she is finished so we can defend our position. Or, though
we might care less what our spouse has to say about something, we find a way to
bring our feeling mind in equilibrium with our thinking mind, and really hear
what he or she has to say. This includes the real meaning behind his or her statements,
and not what we think they might mean.
If we
want to make sure we “really get it,” we can paraphrase back what we heard the
person say. He or she will correct anything we got wrong. We may need to calm
ourselves again, easing the defensiveness that comes with being wrong, so we
not allow our emotions to block what the other person is telling us.
The
examples are numerous and aren’t limited to our interactions with others. We
can be so stuck in our anxiety or depression that we may be frightened of approaching
people and even scared of ourselves!
We must
never be afraid to be honest with about our feelings. Jesus shared his freely with
the heavenly father. The Lord spent more time in prayer than in ministry work. Praying
to the father was for him, more than anything else, a time of dialogue steeped
in emotions and not just in content.
And yet, Christ did not let
his emotions get the best of him. Had he done so, doused in apprehension or
worse, he would have rejected God’s plan of redemption for us through the
cross. It wasn’t possible since Jesus was God, and perfect in every way.
We aren’t perfect, so pity
on us if we allow our feelings to run wild! We would have no hope of living the
kind of balanced life Jesus did while on earth. We would not have peace—despite
the circumstances—if all we did was react.
Remember
this as you attempt to make your life better this year. Don’t be afraid to step
out in faith. The Lord will help renew your mind, bringing your feelings in
line with your thinking so you can continue to more and more like Christ.
I also
will be there for you, helping you recognize and readjust your thinking so you
can stabilize your emotions. Wisdom and happiness await!
