If you are married, there is a 100% percent chance that your spouse will hurt you. They might not do it intentionally and the wound might not be severe. But it will happen. How do you respond to your spouses hurtful actions? Do you store them in your mind for use as a weapon in future conversations? Do you demand penance and groveling to make up for the behavior? Do you threaten? Coerce? I hope this short article serves as a quick reflection on your actions in your relationships (because this same principle applies to all relationships really). This article as also written for those who aren’t in situations of major abuse.
There are many different ways to respond to hurts. But depending on how we respond, we can either make things worse or begin the process of healing. It is our responsibility as the offended party to make the next move. Sometimes, this next move is a difficult one to make. Other times, it is made quickly and without much thought. This of course varies on the offense. How do we know know the next best move to make?
Taking the next step is best done after thinking about how God responds to our downfalls, negative tendencies, shortcomings, failures and struggles? Does he hang them over our head and remind us of them regularly? Does he quickly administer punishment? A verse about God’s character being slow to anger comes to mind. In difficulties with our spouse, it's easy to lose perspective because marriages are so central to our self worth and security. And in those moments we need to remind ourselves, that Christ is our security, not our spouse.
How do you respond to these difficulties within your own marriage? I hope this quick read is helpful in realigning your typical responses to your spouse. I hope you reflect on the way God responds to us and ask Him to show you the ways in which you can improve communications with you spouse.
By: Nicholas J. Smith, LCPC
