Shame Off You: Learning to Cope with Shame & Loss During the Holiday Season

Heaven is For Real; A Book Review

When I first heard of Heaven is For Real, by Todd Burpo, I was skeptical to say the least. My mother, who does not subscribe to the Christian or any faith, was the one to bring it to my attention. I assumed it was one of those vaguely "spiritual" feel good books. Still, it intrigued me, so I started to look into it. After a little research and reading book reviews like this one, I decided it was worth a read, or a listen, on audiobook. I am glad I did.

Does God Want Me To Be Happy?

I came across a quote recently that I felt summed up the answer to this question that I hear so often in therapy. The quote is from

More Than We Can Handle?

When comforting those who are struggling under the weight of life’s difficulties, it is crucial to provide sound encouragement that will not only relieve the sufferer, but do so in a way that is in line with God’s truth. It is truly surprising how often the advice

A Wall of Safety: Part 2

In the second part of this article I present to you this exercise to assist you in finding pockets of peace when you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed. See if you can find a place to be alone (i.e. parked car, office, basement, closet, wherever possible). The thing that distresses you is what causes the most anxiety or angst at any given moment. This could be your boss’s pressure (or a spouse’s) to get something done, a past traumatic event, any current fear, etc.

A Wall of Safety: Part 1 of 2

The need for safety is as old as our need for food, water and air. I want to tell you a story that illustrates this need and then give you a little exercise to alleviate anxiety or feeling overwhelmed by whatever distresses you—to bring a sense of safety in a given moment where anxiety is high.

Contentment Killers part 2

In today’s day and age, people in general are often more invested in their beliefs and agendas than they are in the truth. Because of this, defensive strategies arise that actually prevent any new messages from getting through and being heard. At this point we could spend a considerable amount of time debating on what is truth but that is not the point of this article (maybe some other day). The point of this writing is to consider how blocking these messages or any new information or perspectives can prevent us from experiencing contentment.

Have You Ever Read the ENTIRE Serenity Prayer?

God grant me the serenity

Contentment Killers, part 1

There are so many demands on each of us in the world it is becoming increasingly difficult to obtain any kind of lasting contentment. It is my observation that contentment can be achieved even when the world around us is crazy, demanding and/or falling apart. Here are some contentment killers that might lessen anyone’s ability to be more content at any given moment.

Grace and Truth in Difficult Conversations

A huge challenge I find many people encounter in counseling is how to speak the truth in love; what it means to be assertive, rather than aggressive, passive, or passive aggressive. How do we confront people with the truth without being judgmental, controlling or self-righteous; in other words “speak the truth in love”? And how do we offer grace and mercy to others, lift them up, be encouraging and supportive, without being enabling, lukewarm or sugarcoating?

There, unfortunately, is no one easy answer that applies in all situations and all relationship dynamics. Rather, we need to prayerfully seek God’s will and apply Scripture on a case by case basis, as we all need both soft love (grace and mercy) and tough love (iron sharpening iron). Galatians 6:1 tells us “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” (ESV)

For additional reading on this subject, Henry Cloud’s book “Changes That Heal” is an excellent resource for self-growth and improving relational skills. Early in the book, Henry addresses this Grace and Truth dilemma, and gives a good analogy of how we need to have a right balance of both in life and in our relationships. I also recommend Philip Yancey’s book, “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” and James Dobson’s “Love Must Be Tough” for further insight and examples of ways to appropriately balance grace and truth.

Written by Roberta Vondrak, LCPC

On The Subject of Waiting...

I was speaking with someone recently who had disappointments in life because he reached a point where he looked around with his wife and concluded that others were further ahead of him and therefore he should be further ahead in his ministry. They believed that they should have something right now and so manipulated the situation to get what they felt entitled to now rather than wait any longer.

By the Grace of God

Last week I wrote about living life daily and the difficulty that entails at times. I brought out the fact that Jesus said that loving God and loving others was essential to living a fulfilled life. As I tried to articulate my thoughts on ways to go about loving God and loving people, I read a devotional by John Piper from his book Life as a Vapor. I concluded that I could not say it any better and shouldn’t try. So the following is from John Piper.

A Life Well Lived

We all struggle from time to time with the numerous difficulties in living life on a daily basis. One day while driving I was listening to a program on the radio and they were discussing this very issue. One of the guests on the show commented that the hardest thing about life is that it’s daily. I thought, hmm… This is so true. How often do we have such a tough day that we seem to just barely make it and then realize we have to get up again tomorrow morning and do it all over again? Life has a way of beating up on us, wearing us down, and then….. and then we have to keep doing it.

Wonderful, Beautiful Conflict

What’s so good about conflict? Most people avoid conflict as much as they possibly can. Most people would rather be personally miserable than be in conflict with someone else. I remember years ago, my wife was angry at me (deservedly so) so I worked late just so I didn’t have to deal with the conflict when I got home. When I arrived home close to midnight, I saw the light was still on in our bedroom.

Trust Me For the Rain: Relying on God in Ordinary Circumstances

More than anything in this world, I wanted to be a Mommy. When you asked me what I wanted to be as a child, that was my answer. When I got married, we had our “life plan.” Five years into the marriage, we were going to start a family. My husband wanted that time to enjoy married life and to get financially stable. I was 24 when I got married, so I thought we had plenty of time.

It's Not About the Food!

Why can’t I lose weight? I have been on every diet known to man and can never seem to keep it off! If I were thinner I would be happier. Why can’t I just have willpower? Anyone who has ever battled weight has said or heard those things from friends and family. There is a biological component, as our bodies only need so much energy. Too much we gain weight, not enough leaves us with little energy.