Peace of God Beats Anxious Desperation

Why do you suppose God advises we find our peace in Him rather than our circumstances? To some people this seems obvious and therefore silly to even ask. To others this is a real question that is very difficult to even focus on due to the intensity of the fear they feel. I don’t ask the question to cause guilt or shame. Fear is a very real feeling caused by a number of components.

Fear and anxiety can be such a painful and uncomfortable feeling—so painful or uncomfortable that it leads to a desperate search for relief. That desperation pushes us to look at our circumstances to force-quit our anxiousness. We start to believe that if we can alter our circumstances, we can force our anxiousness to subside. There is a problem with this thinking however and that is that many circumstances are out of our control OR require us to control someone else. There is no ‘force-quit’ mechanism as much as we might try. How do we do this?

We use anger or fear to get people to change their way of thinking or behavior OR we obsess about the outcome that we believe would make our anxiousness go away.  All at the end of the day will more than likely leave you feeling as much or more anxious. The hard truth is that the more we go to our old methods to cope with our desperation, the more we are returned to the same old desperate, unresolved feelings of anxiousness. If this has been a struggle for you, then you know exactly what I am writing about.

More often than not, even if our best-case dreams happen, the anxiousness might subside only for a moment or a few days if we are fortunate.  Anxiety feelings lead us to magical thinking—if a certain hoped for outcome happens, I will be okay, if it doesn’t happen, I will not be okay—so I better put all my efforts into making it happen. As you wait and try to orchestrate your outcome, your anxiety will almost surely escalate back up to the desperation stage.

What is the answer to the question? God knows that only He is the solid Rock that won’t crumble when life challenges us to the core. Jesus is recorded in the Gospels as saying, ‘I will never leave you’. In your worst moment of fear, He is with you. You do not have to try harder, think smarter, perform better. He is here with you.  That is why the Apostle Paul described a peace that transcends our circumstances that will guard our hearts and minds.

This kind of faith seems abstract but as you allow it to grow, you will find a place to come and rest in your mind when your anxious feelings begin to ramp up again.  Knowing of His presence can help you give up the desperate trying and rest…and wait as your anxiousness floods over you and then subsides. 

By: Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

Grocery Store of Life

Some time ago at church I heard a sermon and some of the points the pastor made resonated in me.  Id like to attempt to convey the thoughts he shared.

"Have you ever gotten a call from someone, perhaps your spouse or a parent, asking you to pick something  from the grocery store?  Just one item was all you needed to get so you naturally respond that you'll stop and get it.  So you find the store and pull into the parking lot.  You find a great spot and you park your car.  Your walk/jog into the store where you bypass the buggys and baskets because you know you're only getting one thing.  And somewhere between the produce section and aisle 4 you realize something, you have forgotten what that item was you were to get.  You gather yourself and psych yourself up to head on to the journey.  The journey that takes you from aisle to aisle as you do the bobble head looking to and fro on all the shelves.  With 100 million items in the store you're just hoping and praying that the item will just jump out at you saying "HERE I AM!"  Alas, you find that item and you make your way to the check out aisle and you head home." - Pastor Joel Labertew

How many of you can relate to that?  Unashamedly I've done that a number of times.  Well, unfortunately that is how so many people do life.  We go about it and then something catches our attention and we run into the 'project' yet failing to achieve what we set out to do.  Other things get our attention while we are on our way to do this or that.  The monotony of everyday life gets in the way of us achieving so many goals, dreams and aspirations.  I've met too many people who talk a lot but they don't DO a lot.  They talk about their goals and their dreams but they don't do anything to achieve them.  We become unbalanced and we become unfulfilled.  Don't just live a monotnous life but a balanced & fulfilled one!

Until next time,
Terri LaRae, LCPC

Rookie Mistake

This year my daughter started her junior year in high school.  What a whirlwind this time of year can be for those with school age kids.  It reminds me of the first day of her freshman year.  We were both new to the whole high school thing, new routines, new rules, new everything.  I remember driving up to the school and taking one look at the line where everyone seemed to be dropping off their kids and thought, no way.  I figured there must be a better way then the enormous line before me and so, what I thought was a brilliant idea, I took different route, only to discover I couldn’t get in that way.  Not wanting to give up and being determined to find a better way I thought I would just drop her off in the parking lot adjacent to the entrance.  Maybe some of you can relate to this story literally, or maybe you can relate because you’ve been in a situation that you thought you could find a better way, a better option then what was being presented.

As I drove up and was thinking I had found an alternative; I had several people frantically waving at me.  I was completely confused and then worried, but did manage to drop her off.  As I drove off I realized that I had just driven into the drop off lot for busses ONLY.  I’m guessing this caused quite a commotion for the bus drivers, hence the waving and yelling at me.

I love finding new and resourceful avenues, a better way or alternative.  I dislike when I make a mistake in the process.  This was a big mistake.  Thanks goodness I was in a get away car and completely oblivious in the moment, but the feeling the mistake left on me lingered.  The reality is that we all make mistakes.  Some of our mistakes have bigger consequences then others, sometimes we are the only ones who know we’ve messed up, either way it’s usually not a feel good moment.

Sometimes we internalize our mistakes and make them a part of ourselves, this can have negative effects on who we think we are, a healthier mindset is being able to learn from our mistakes and make the learning a part of who we are becoming.  We are all always becoming.  Mistake and failures help us grow and learn.  They actually are needed in everyone’s life.  No one tells us this, we are told be successful and then you are a winner.  We hear mostly of people’s successes, leaving feelings of failure.   The key is to embrace your failures, embrace the mistakes in life, accept them as opportunities to grow, and know that everyone, even if they do not admit it, makes mistakes.  Mistakes are not who we are, mistakes are opportunities to become something bigger.

The second week of school I had to go into the office to drop something off and so I owned up my mistake to the ladies at the front desk.  They were so gracious and chalked it up to a rookie mistake that anyone could make.  So what did I learn?  I learned that rookies make mistakes.  I learned where the drop off is and that you have to wait in line, but it does go quick.  I learned sometime there are reasons for rules and there are no shortcuts.  I also learned to be tolerant of those who are making mistakes when dropping off their kids at school because maybe, just maybe they are the rookie that day.

By: Cindy O'Donnell, LCSW