Guilt and Shame

By: Cindy Raices, MA

Many can acknowledge accomplishments and victories they have experienced in their lives. On good days, it is easy to come up with a list of things we have overcome, even challenges we have faced and grown from! The problem seems to be on days where things begin to go wrong. Then, one by one, thoughts of insufficiency, guilt, shame, and inadequacy begin to snowball in our minds. “If I haven’t gotten that promotion yet, it is because I am not good enough.” “I would not being going through this mess if I would have been more careful.” “If they were to know who I really am, they might not talk to me anymore.” Thoughts like these, make it difficult for us to see God’s freedom and eternal love. 

We have been set free from the imprisonment of guilt and shame, so what is it that keeps us there? Guilt can be broken down in two ways, true guilt and false guilt. True guilt derives from sin and is God’s way of calling us back to him. 2 Corinthians 7:10 NIV states, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” Guilt does not have to be a bad thing. When guilt leads us to checking our hearts and we are able to receive God’s forgiveness, it is liberating! It is false guilt or “worldly sorrow” that the Bible warns us about because it will bring death. False guilt refers to the guilt is focused on ourselves. It is a guilt that is focused on our hurt, offenses, and not meeting others’ expectations. 

It is important that we are aware of where our guilt and shame is coming from. It is normal to experience regret and sadness, but lasting despair interferes with our ability to see God’s freedom and eternal love.  

Values Clarification

By: Francine Costanza, LCPC

Often we may think that our values are very clear and that we are living up to them each day. However, taking an occasional inventory of our values and assessing how well we are living them out can be a beneficial exercise. One way to do this is to make a list of the different areas of your life and write them as column headings on a large piece of paper. 

An example of some areas are; marriage, children, extended family, work, friends, church, self-care, and leisure. You may have more areas, different ones or fewer ones. Each person's life is their own tapestry.  After identifying the different areas of your life, think about what values are important to you in each area. For example, under marriage some possible values are trust, honesty, and communication. There are many more values that could be included here. Whatever comes to mind, write it down. When you get to the next area, write down any new values that come to mind. You may think of some values that also fit in some of the other areas. For instance if you have children as an area of your life you may think of “spend time together" and then realize that this is important under marriage as well. Continue writing the values that come up under each area. Even though they might fit under all the areas, the important thing is to identify them. 

Looking at each separate area can help bring different values to mind. (for example, under the work area the value of excellence may be thought of}. Once you have finished filling in each column, you can circle each value that you would like to improve on. Maybe you recognize that time with those you love is important and that you aren't making it a priority. Any of the values that you don't feel are being fulfilled adequately in your life are the ones to circle. Maybe it's patience, listening better, or eating healthy. This then can be a basis for setting goals. A goal can be formulated for each circled value.  For example, if spending time with children is something that came up as an important value that needs improvement, the goal can be to come home earlier or engage with the children at  a certain time each day such as before or after dinner. 

When we choose to spend time in self-examination we are able to discover what we might be overlooking or taking for granted, or short-changing ourselves and others of what really matters to us. Looking at our values and setting goals can motivate and inspire us to make new choices and grow in he direction of our values and dreams.

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