Acceptance

The word accept is an interesting one. There is a lot of emotions that can be packed inside the meaning of that word. In fact, the word acceptance can be used to describe a particular emotional state. It's not a word found in the context of simple or easy tasks either. Being accepted into college is a time of joy and excitement but it was preceded by working hard in high school. Furthermore, accepting the facts of a difficult reality that we might find ourselves facing, is not an easy task. The loss of a loved one, experiencing a trauma, losing a job, going through a divorce, or realizing that your life is not going in the trajectory in which you hoped all require a high dose of acceptance. It rarely comes easily and for some, it doesn't ever come. 

For some, when faced with difficulty, they react in ways that hinder progress. For the purpose of this article I want to focus on one of the ways we hinder our own progress, and it starts long before we ever face difficulty of any kind. We don't build into our life, the idea of having to deal with something hard. We imagine, we get a job, a spouse, a child etc. but we don't ever think about the possibility that maybe life won't go that way. The image of having these things (certain job, certain salary, a spouse, etc.) becomes a certainty. But we need to learn to factor in other certainties. Such as, difficulty. Life will certainly be difficult at times. One great way to overcome difficulty and loss in the future is to realize now, that you will in the future. You can make room for these challenges and also create an image in your mind in which you will still be ok.

Accepting a difficulty begins long before difficulty strikes. Acknowledging that life is full of difficulty and having a plan to work through it gives us the opportunity to deal with it more effectively when it does strike. Experiencing difficulty doesn't mean that our life is bad or terrible unless you assign it that meaning. To explore the meaning a difficulty has in your life, try turning phrasing it in the form of an "I statement." For instance you might do something like this, "Because of this difficulty I am experiencing, I am ____________." Whatever word you put in the blank, study it. Test it to see if it is true. Ask your family and friend if that word you put in there is accurate.

Acceptance is hard. I don't want to give the impression that this article is the one way to work through a difficult time. In fact, there are many components to acceptance but I find this to be a helpful one.  

By: Nicholas Smith, LCPC

Thoughts and Happiness

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” Marcus Aurelius

This quote sounds wonderful when you read it. Simple in fact. I can just change my thoughts and everything will be better. However, when putting this into practice, it is actually not simple at all. We actually are not in control of our thoughts at all. Thoughts pop up in our head all of the time. The pleasant ones we want to keep; daydreaming about an upcoming vacation or about a past happy moment. Those thoughts we have no problem with. It is the unpleasant ones; the list of things to finish without enough time in the day or the argument you just had with a loved one. So it is not the thought we control, but the thinking we do about that thought that we have control over. 

It is very easy to get stuck on a thought and ruminate on all the outcomes of what can happen or what should have happened differently. This process ends up creating and perpetuating anxiety and depression. We are very quick to worry about what might happen or what happened in the past that we forget who is ultimately in control of these plans. There is a greater plan created by our heavenly Father for everything we have been through and everything we are going to go through. We can take comfort in Romans 8:28 which states; “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose”

So in those moments of turning unpleasant thoughts into thinking, remember the Father who has gone before you and will work all things together for good. Then take that thoughts, place is on a leave or a cloud and watch it float away. Do not let it rob anymore of your time in this moment.

So maybe if Marcus Aurelius had said, “The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thinking” it would be easier to accept the quote. For now I will allow my thoughts to pop up and then let them go, trusting in my heavenly Father’s plan for my life.

By: Sam Hicks, LCPC