Letting Go of People Pleasing

The phrase "people pleasing" has been around for a while now. No one likes being called a people pleaser and yet most people like to be thought of as a genuinely good person. It is desirous to be kind, loving, considerate, and thoughtful but if we do these things for the purpose of getting approval, attention or self worth, then we are falling into the people pleaser trap. When we spend our energy worrying about what other people think, seeking to make others happy at the expense of our own health or wellbeing, and focusing more on what other people are doing than on our own responsibilities, we are living a lifestyle of people pleasing. The Bible talks a lot about serving others, loving our enemies, going the extra mile and giving to those in need. These actions are commendable. The problem comes in when one's sense of security and self-worth comes from the approval that is received by doing them. It can cause a person to ignore their own needs and values in order to feel accepted and loved even if temporary and conditional. 

Feelings! Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Feelings! How we run from painful or uncomfortable feelings. (part 2 of 2)

By Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

As I wrote in part one of this blog art, emotions or feelings are incredibly difficult to tolerate for many of us.  In fact we all have many strategies to avoid feeling our feelings; at least the ones we are aware of.  We avoid feeling anxious, hurt, angry, sad, shame, abandoned and more. In my experience, we spend a terrific amount of energy running from our feelings while we spend virtually an insignificant amount of time building up a tolerance to various feelings. After you finish part two, go back and read part one of this article to help you with a strategy to cope with these difficult emotions.

Feelings! Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Feelings! How we run from painful or uncomfortable feelings. (part 1 of 2)

By Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

Emotions or feelings are incredibly difficult to tolerate for many of us.  In fact we all have many strategies to avoid feeling our feelings; at least the ones we are aware of.  We avoid feeling anxious, hurt, angry, sad, shame, abandoned and more. In my experience, we spend a terrific amount of energy running from our feelings while we spend virtually an insignificant amount of time building up a tolerance to various feelings.

Feelings are meant to be