Making Amends

By: Jeanette Sziler, LCPC

Making amends, seeking repentance can feel as if it is an impossible step to take as it demands quite a lot of the self. If one is willing to seek amends for the harm and hurt that their actions have caused others, growth will happen. Making amends is not simply a change of heart and mind that leads one to do what is right; it is an action that one takes to wrong what has been done. For an example, if the act was stealing then confess and return what was stolen. 

Expressions of humility and regret when we hurt others is important as it shows that the person understands the damage and pain they have caused others. Confessing in a radically honest way means owning the wrong that was committed. This means saying, “Yes, I stole your money, my actions are inexcusable”. It does not mean saying, “Yes, I stole from you but, it wasn't me, I was on drugs.” Confessing and owning leaves out the “buts” or any type of justifications. Seeking mercy, forgiveness, and healing of the relationships that were damaged is part of making amends. Remember however that restoring a relationship is not always possible. Sometimes owning the hurt, confessing, and apologizing doesn't open the door for reconciliation, and that has to be okay for the one making amends. If when making amends the relationship is not repaired the way it was “suppose” to go, take ownership of that for it is a consequence of poor and unwise choices. Making amends is not about anticipating how others will react or respond to it, it is about changing the heart, mind, and actions regardless of the outcome. Making amends is about growing and evolving as a person and understanding the impact of how it has effected others.

Negative Thoughts

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment”-- Marcus Aurelius, a Roman Emperor

Life is made up of innumerable events and experiences. God willing, those experiences are going to be predominantly bright, sunny, and full of love and joy. However, it is inevitable that life is going to throw some very rough things at you. Living our lives entails some very painful bits: death, disease, addiction, violence, and much more. No matter what badness occurs, something to keep in mind is that it is not what happens to us that elicits the suffering we are enduring; it is our reaction to that event. No other creature has the capability of consciously choosing how to react to such situations.

This is not to say that we as humans should choose to not experience the sorrow, distress or anguish that befalls us. Experience it and explore it, but do not let it consume you. Overwhelming yourself with feelings of sadness, depression, anger, or pain will not do anything positive for you in the long term. If you have lost a job, feel that loss and be unhappy, but accept it and make the choice to change your perception. Where might you go from here? What skills has the job provided for you that will help you in the future? Focusing on the positive may not be easier, but it will certainly be more beneficial. Have you lost your child? This is undoubtedly a horrifying event that could absolutely devour one’s life, if one will not allow for a different estimation of the pain. Think of your child not as lost, but as returned. Your child has returned Home to God where upon your death, you shall also return and be together again.

Jesus was not exactly thrilled when He acknowledged the horrid pain that was going to come upon his death. He was aware that His death would be cruel, and humiliating, yet he continued onward. Though He realized the agony that awaited him, he chose to respond in a brave manner rather than reject the impending end. Jesus says in John 10:11 “I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”

 

Negative thoughts and emotions are part of life, let us follow in Jesus' example, by choosing to navigate those waters with courage and take back some of the painful power negative thoughts and emotions have over us.

 

Some simple techniques that can get you started can be found on the link below.

By: Jeannette Sziler, LCPC

 

http://www.everydayhealth.com/hs/major-depression-living-well/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques/

The Counseling that God Provides

One of the names of God is Wonderful Counselor. He really is and He speaks to us through many forms of communication. A walk in the woods on a snowy day cries out the beauty and majesty of God. A day at the ocean can do wonders for the soul and echoes the immense power of our Lord. A new born baby or the love of someone who really cares can warm our hearts and give us the hope of God’s love in an often dark, cruel world.

One of the main ways that God communicates to us is through His Word. Sometimes we may read a Bible passage and not feel the love and comfort that we’re supposed to receive. Reading can feel like just going through the motions. That is when I have found that praying before reading any further can really help. I ask God to open my heart to His Word, to show me what He wants me to learn and to prepare my heart to receive insight and understanding of the passage. 

Psalm 27 is an example of a great reading when feeling anxiety or fear. It is a confidence builder, written by David, who knew the real threat of war and violence. He continually turned to God, during good times and bad, and was called a man after God’s own heart. He sought the Lord when his life was in danger, when life seemed hopeless, and when he was filled with the grief of his own sin. And through his writing it can be seen that he was encouraged and uplifted by the Holy Spirit. 

The first 2 lines of this psalm are inspiring and remind us of where our strength comes from.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom should I fear?                                                                  The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom should I be afraid?”

The third verse is one which can remind us that with God on our side, we can feel secure no matter what happens.

“Though an army deploys against me, my heart is not afraid;                                                                                      Though a war breaks out against me, still I am confident. “

God is not only powerful to protect us, He is also amazingly creative and artistic. He truly is the Master Artist and Designer, from Whom the world gets all the ingenuity and talent ever experienced. If we reflect, as David does in verses 4 and 5, on God’s beauty and incomprehensible love for us who are small, weak and dependent on the very air we breathe, we would be fools not to put all our hope and trust in Him.

“I have asked one thing from the Lord; it is what I desire: to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and seek Him in His temple.                                            For He will conceal me in His shelter in the day of adversity; He will hide me under the cover of His tent; He will set me high on a rock.”

David shows us that we can ask anything of the Lord and though we may have to wait, He is faithful to work things out. He will revive us, restore us and give new hope and strength when we need it. Sometimes friends or family disappoint us, we may have people in our lives who want more from us than we are able to give, or have difficult circumstances to endure. David seems to have experienced all these things and more. And he was not ashamed or afraid to cry out to God in any adversity. In doing so, he found the assurance he needed as displayed in verse 10, 13 and 14.

“Even if my mother and father abandon me, the Lord cares for me."

“I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living.”

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord.”

David trusts God and God lifts his spirits so that he can face the day and whatever is in front of him.  He did not necessarily get answers to all his questions or what he wanted when he wanted it. Yet he had the solution to His wrestless heart.  We too can have that encouragement, hope and confidence, by spending time with the Lord, believing His Word and sharing David’s heart of faith and trust in the Great God who loves us and gave his life for us so that we may live through Him.

By: Francine Costanza, LCPC 

Thoughts on Emotional Intelligence

Thoughts on Emotional Intelligence

What exactly is emotional intelligence? According to Andrew Coleman’s Dictionary of Psychology:

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize one's own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior. 

The term was first used by Wayne Payne is his doctoral thesis. It was made popular by Daniel Goleman at the publishing of his book, Emotional Intelligence – Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. I don’t know if it matters more than IQ but I can understand Mr. Goleman’s reasoning. Someone can be very “smart” yet if they can’t control their temper it can lead to devastating consequences.  I would say that it is probably equally as important as general intelligence and likely an element of overall human intelligence.

Anxiety Today

What is anxiety? Is it a feeling of dread? Is it like a knot in your stomach that won’t go away?  Is it constant worry over things you can’t control, or being overly concerned about one thing or another?  Essentially it is all of these things and it can take hold in our minds and even our bodies and often won’t let go.

Where is God In The Face Of Suffering?

In life, we cannot avoid suffering.  It is inevitable that we will at some point lose someone we love, lose a job, or suffer our own illnesses.  Nicole Majka has an open and honest conversation for us this week on her views of suffering after just recently losing a close friend.  Here is what she has to say:

I recently lost a very close friend of mine to cancer. For 18 months I saw her battle and fight, her family and friends prayed she would be healed. Sadly, this was not the case and she passed away. I watched her husband, kids, family and friends grieve her loss. I couldn’t understand how God could allow a wonderful, loving and caring woman to be taken at such a young age. I admit, I was angry at God even yelled at him for taking another person whom I loved dearly from my life. My conversation went something as follows “Why not take a murder, rapist or child molester instead of my friend, why did you let this happen?” I have experienced other losses in my life some due to illness others due to tragic accidents. I have struggled in my relationship and walk with the Lord during these times. In my work with clients, I too have seen incredible suffering and loss whether is a child, infant, parents, spouse friend and sibling. One of my biggest questions is where is God in the face of suffering?

The reality is, there is no easy way to answer this question. Many times I have heard “Why does God allow bad things to happen”? In my search for biblical answers, I was led to the Book of Job. Job lost everything; his wife, daughters, sons, animals and livelihood. Job cursed the lord for his suffering, blamed God for Satan’s doing and questioned the Lords Sovereignty. In the end, after much hardship, praying and forgiveness, Job experiences a wealth far greater then he can imagine. Romans 8:28 states “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose”. When we are in the midst of our suffering we don’t see what the future will hold, but the Lord does. I know in my own life I have learned valuable lessons about life and love through every tragedy I have experienced. Every experience has made me stronger and wiser and has shaped me whom I am today. I too have seen amazing things happen out of suffering and tragedy in clients I have been privileged to work with. "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast" (1 Peter 5:10)

The bible contains countless stories of suffering, some are healed by Jesus and others suffer and die. Throughout the Psalms, David cries out to the Lord and begs for answers for his suffering. Jesus himself stated in Matthew and Psalm 22:1 to God "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" as he hung on cross before his death. Jesus’s suffering before he died was unimaginable however, it was only through his crucifixion that we saved and granted freedom from our sins. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16.

I will never know the answer to why my friend died of cancer, why my cousin was killed in car accident, and why a client lost a child or a friend contracted an incurable illness on this side of heaven. What I do know is God is faithful; his love is everlasting and will never forsake us. God does care about your suffering and pain; he has not forsaken or abandoned you. “Then David continued, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. 1 Chronicles 28:20.

Grief and suffering will always be a part of lives. The Lord is the only one that can fill the hole in soul when we are hurting. Tears will fall, we will miss our loved ones terribly, feel angry with God and others and question God’s motives. Matthew 10:29-31 “But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. If God cares for the sparrow and the tiniest creatures he cares about your pain and suffering. Always remember footprints in the sand “For it was then that I carried you”.

John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

By: Nicole Majka, LCPC

Disarming Cognitive Distortions With Biblical Truth

No one is immune from negative thinking.  Sometimes, it is worse than others and for some, these negative thoughts can lead to mental health issues such as depression or anxiety.  Francine Costanza has organized some common forms of negative thinking and then given us a way to challenge those negative thoughts with Biblical truth.  Here is what she has to say:

It has been said that everything we need for right living can be found in the Bible. But sometimes the scriptures can be hard to relate to or we have to read quite a few chapters before we come across what we need at the moment.  If we are in a depressed state, it can be especially hard to open the Bible and feel encouraged.  Fortunately God uses people in modern times to show us His wisdom and truth in new ways which can help us change our thinking and feel better, leading to positive change.

Hope

Adrienne Kather is the author of this week's article on the topic of Hope.  What a key aspect hope plays in our lives.  The difference between having no hope and even just a little bit of hope can have an incredible impact in out lives.  This article will help define the concept of hope and show you ways in which you can develop it's presence in your life.  Here is what Adrienne has to say:

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick...” Proverbs 13:12 NASB

It’s a new year and it has gotten me thinking about hope. I’m sure most of us had things happen last year that were not what we wanted or expected and are hoping that certain things are better this year. I think that is probably what drives New Year resolutions - the desire for things to be better, for us to do better. At the core of wanting better is expectation. Expectation is the essence of hope. And hope is what keeps us moving forward.

Finding Quiet Time with God

I'm excited to introduce you to Francine Costanza, the newest counselor at Heritage Counseling Center and the author of this week's article!  Francine brings us encouragement and hints on how to get into the routine of finding quiet time with God.  She explains what there is to be gained when you get into a routine of quiet time with God.  Here is what Francine has to say:

The morning alarm goes off and life begins again. Jump in the shower, dry your hair, brush your teeth, pick out something presentable to wear, make the coffee, grab a bagel (or something - maybe), get to work or to school, or just get busy. On and on we could go, listing the multitude of tasks before us each day. How many mornings across the country start out either mechanically or rushed, with the duties of life sitting on the throne? As we stop and reflect on the year gone by and the year ahead, let us consider how much time we are spending in communion with our heavenly Father. Do we really believe that He loves us immeasurably and that His power is unlimited? If so, then spending time in His presence must be a worthwhile endeavor. This new year might be a good time to slow down and set aside time each day to open God's Word and to open our hearts before Him.

What To Do When She Says No All The Time

Hello Everyone, I hope this article finds you well.  This week we have a great article by Scott Hendrickson.  He writes this article specifically for men, on how to handle the common and frustrating situation when your wife says, "not tonight."  Scott helps address the emotional side of the situation and gives some insight on what is going on in her mind as well.  Here is what Scott has to say:

For men only...all ladies please leave the room (or this blog article). Alright guys, how many of you have initiated sex with your wife and been thwarted by her "not tonight honey" repeatedly? Sometimes it appears to be an unmerciful, rejecting "no!" Other times it seems to be a repeating headache that only happens (or so it seems) when you are in the mood. Nonetheless, the message of "no" seems way too common with your sexual advances. It looks like the majority of you have your hands raised...I'm sorry ladies, you have to leave please.

Now that you see so many hands up guys you can at least know you are not alone--not that it helps much. It is not uncommon for marriages to have periods (long periods) where one spouse, usually the wife, is not interested in sex. I have some thoughts for you on how to deal with this.

Understand Your Anger

Anger is a natural product of rejection, disappointment or entitlement. I'm saying it is normal to be angry but what you do in your anger will be either destructive to your marriage or helpful. 

Look at rejection for a moment. There are sometimes when you are absolutely being rejected but there are other times when she says "no" that it really isn't about you. She has little to no desire for a number of reasons. Here are a few:

She's stressed out

When your wife is overworked, over busy or over obligated in some other way, sex becomes just another demand; another task she is obligated to do. Stress absolutely will shut her down and it is not because she is rejecting you. Try to lower your expectations for now and assist in any way you can and as competently as you can.

Be careful of your motives here. If it is because you just want more sex, you will set yourself up to be rejected because she will likely feel discounted (with her anger).  Help her because you love her. This can lead to an improved relationship because her trust of you will grow.

She doesn't feel attractive let alone sexy.

It is important to most women to feel good about themselves. Perhaps she's heavier than she wants to be or basically doesn't accept herself. If this is the case, your wife will not want you to see her naked or be too close to her physically.

Find ways to communicate to your wife your appreciation for her beauty--inside and out. Of course tell her she looks beautiful today but also comment on her beautiful values and brains and creativity and work ethic and loyalty and...whatever else is uniquely attractive about your wife. If most of your comments are about breast size, legs and other typically sexually attracting body parts, you will once again find yourself in a position of rejection. She won't feel beautiful but rather checked out. Balance is a key here.

She's worried

If your wife is worried about money, one of the kids, a parent, or someone else of significance, the car, safety, a job interview or something else, she is likely not going to be open to your advances.

The best thing here is twofold: empathize with her so she knows you are partnered with her and understand her fears AND encourage her in her faith by being willing to pray together and gently reassure her of God's faithfulness and character. You yourself can simply commit to growing in your faith and that adds to her sense of security. You might even look for a Godly spiritual mentor to instruct you.

She isn't healthy.

All you can do here is gently encourage a doctor’s visit and commit to being healthy with her.

Another aspect of your anger is entitlement. When you are entitled, every "no" leads to more frustration and more anger. You will read 'news stories' that say you should be having sex 3-4 times a week and think your marriage is broken because sex is so rare for you these days. You might quote 1Corinthians 7 "do not deprive each other..." and believe you should have access to her body anytime you desire.

It is important to bring yourself back to reality--your reality. It doesn't really matter what you read or hear if currently your wife's libido isn't too active right now. If she has sex with you because you guilted her or shamed her or just plain pestered her until she gave in, she will begin to resent you and her resentment will be connected with sex...with you. Rejection will be more of her routine with you. Entitlement will damage your sexual relationship.

Manage your beliefs

Our culture is playing Jedi mind tricks with men about sex these days. Having a pure mind and heart has never been more challenging. When I head to the office this morning, I will hear several commercials calling into question my sexuality at fifty plus years of age. My size, my stamina, my wife's desire...and these will be doctors promoting the need to go to their clinic.  I'm not listening to Howard Stern guys. It's just my local music station (hits from the 70's, 80's and 90's). I was watching the news and twice the cialis commercial aired. Virtually every show I watch with my wife has the Victoria's Secret commercials running.

Our society says sex is THE number one need for men and if we don't 'get some' often enough something is wrong. Do you see how that could lead to a belief there must be something wrong with you if you aren't active enough?  Beware of this world sex view. It will lead to more rejection and certainly trick you into a sense of entitlement.

Another belief I see frequently with husbands is the idea that if you eliminate all of your wife's objections and do everything the books say to do then she will be more interested in sex and most likely you will at least hit the global average number of times per week (insert tongue in cheek). I have had men admit to me how they became the ultimate appeasers in order that their wife would just say yes to sex.  This kind of belief system will lead to resentment on your part if you believe your wife is not responding to you enough. You are far better off in developing a mutual relationship with your wife.  One where you both have the freedom to say yes and no to each other and respect each other's yes and no. 

I know I am not offering anything that will cure your lack of sex.  What I am offering is perspective and refining what you believe with regards to sex.  Yes, sex is important but if your relationship with your wife is more important, you will gain greater friendship with her, more freedom with her and better sex with her (notice I didn't say 'more' sex with her).  More importantly, you will be less angry and frustrated.

By: Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

Having Faith In Your Kids

Hello Everyone, Nick here, bringing you another video from our Just Tell Me What To Do To Make It Better Seminar.  This clip covers a really great point that Scott Hendrickson, LCPC, was making about helping your child grow by learning through their own mistakes.  Watch this clip, then let us know what you think by leaving a comment on our Facebook page!

Overcome

Overcome.  This is a great word.  It’s a word that has changed perception in the human mind for over the past 300 years.  Overcome has eluded to getting through difficult physical situations; famine, warring enemies, plagues.  It has also evoked the idea of overcoming mental breakthroughs; the combustion engine, nuclear power, harnessing solar energy.  If you are similar to the half of American’s who struggle with some sort of emotional blockade such as; anxiety or depression, then you understand the desire to overcome now lies within your emotions.

The problem with emotional issues is that they are a lot more difficult to understand, given their lack of physicality.  We can overcome a mountain or river after we study it for a period of time.  We can overcome complex math problems after calculating and recalculating.  But emotional issues?  How do we quantify, calculate or study these problems?  There is hope, and it might be more simple than you’d think.

I Don’t Deserve Forgiveness & Very Expensive Astroturf!

Hello Everyone!  It's Wednesday and as you know, that means it is time for another article.  This week Scott Hendrickson brings to us a great post on forgiveness.  Forgiveness is one of those things that is easy to understand but often times very difficult to experience.  Scott uses some great examples, I think you will find this article very enlightening!  Here is what he has to say:

I often wonder what to say to the person who cannot be forgiven. That person (perhaps it is you) has been offered forgiveness through a sermon or by a Christ-follower or THE person offended or violated by you but feels strongly that no matter the redemption offered, it cannot be accepted due to the level of shame he or she carries. Evidently, it is believed, some of our past or simply who we are cannot be overcome with such a simplistic act of forgiveness. It could never be deserved--never! Forgiveness cannot be accepted, moreover should not be accepted.

While that might be true to an extent, I would suggest a few other points to consider before you stop reading.

Gratitude

Welcome Everyone to this week's post written by Cindy O'Donnell!  Cindy wins the prize for guessing what movie I referenced last week and then she gets another prize for referencing it again this week!  Gratitude is a tough one, and nobody gets it right all the time.  But I find (like many things in this life) it becomes a practice, something you can just pick up and try again, even if you didn't do it that well the last ten times.  So here is what Cindy had to say:

I am keenly aware of the injustices of this world.  So aware, that I admit, there are days that I can become overwhelmed and begin to believe that’s all there is to this life.  There is a child being shot and killed, a plane disappearing with hundreds of passengers, a ferry boat carrying hundreds of students overturns and most have been found dead or are unaccounted for at this time.  This is just the recent world news.  In my world, I am surrounded by people who are having family and individual conflict, death, divorce, loss of employment, which then causes financial distress, need I go on…I think you have the picture.

What I have come to understand is that because we are surrounded by these circumstances and for some people these circumstances are more a part of their lives than others, it would appear that this world is not a great place to live nor our are lives really that happy.  Human beings tend to focus on the negative or are drawn to the negative, despite the fact, that there is positive in this world.

Understanding Anxiety

Hello All!  Nicholas Smith here again on the Blog for the 2nd time this week.  Anxiety is the topic for today.  I wanted to paint a broad picture here of what it is and how to fix it.  This is in no way the final work ever needed to be produced on the subject, but more of a quick snapshot.  Here is what I had to say:

According to WebMD.com, 28.8% of Americans will suffer from anxiety at some point throughout their lifetime, in a way that interferes with their daily activities. America is considered to be the most anxious country in the world. I write this post as an attempt to present some of the common effects and remedies to anxiety. 

1. Negative Thinking.  Most of how we feel is guided by the thoughts we allow ourselves to ponder.  Simply put, if we think negatively about ourselves, we will believe that negative things are going to happen to us.  We must challenge our negative thoughts!  Take note of your thought life.  What is your inner voice saying?  Is what you tell yourself true?  Often times, we tell ourselves elaborate tales of how forgetting to pay the telephone bill will lead us to living on the streets, fighting rats for bits of food in the dumpster.  But that just isn't true.  Take note, find the truth, then let the truth lead you.
2. Anxiety is often times hard to understand, and those suffering from it, try really hard to figure it out.  Thinking about why you are anxious isn't going to be enough.  You must become a scientist.  Log your thinking in a journal, study your thought patterns and see how they affect how you feel.  The only reason we understand anything in the natural world is because someone was willing to take the time to study it.  So do the work.
3. All consuming is an appropriate way to describe anxiety for most people.  When you feel overwhelmed with stress, it really can take a toll, especially if you feel trapped.  This situation can lead to a desire to escape.  Some escape to drugs and alcohol, pornography, movies, video games etc...  When you are anxious stick to your trusted hobbies or find a new hobby.  Talk to your friends about how you are feeling.
4. Anxiety is exhausting.  This exhaustion can lead to feelings of depression.  Continue your routine!  You don't feel like it but you have to do it.  Skipping work, school and your other commitments are only going to lead to bigger problems down the road.  If you don't have a routine or commitments, make some.  Try to go to sleep at a decent time, and don't oversleep.  You don't need any more than 9hrs max, unless your doctor has told you otherwise.  Even though you may be exhausted, incorporate exercise.  Exercise is a great natural stress relief.  You don't even have to get a gym membership, just go take a 20 minute walk.
5. Whether having a low sense of self can cause anxiety or if anxiety can cause a low sense of self is no matter.  What we do know is that a low sense of self can accompany those with prolonged anxiety.  It is important during these times to remind yourself of who you are and who it is that you want to be in 2 years, 5 years etc.  Write down positive character traits about yourself and those traits you wish to exercise more commonly.  
6. The final point is purpose.  Anxiety can come about when folks have gone through period of their life and don't seem to be getting anywhere.  Maybe a dead-end job or feeling like you should be further along in life than you are (all your friends are married, all your peers have graduated college, etc.).  Maybe its time to rethink the direction of your life, set some new goals.  Most likely there will be much of issue #1 occurring so you might have to get some peace in this area.  

As always, I hope this post has been educational and inspirational in some ways.  If you suffer from anxiety, please contact a professional in order to get help.  Exodus chapter 14 verse 14 has sort of been stuck in my mind, check that out and let me know what you think!

By: Nicholas Smith, MA, LPC

It's Deja Vu All Over Again...

Welcome Everyone! Today I, Nicholas Smith, have written this article for you. It was sort of inspired by a movie I watched recently, maybe you can guess what it is by leaving a comment…

Imagine if you were given the ability to today again.  Jump into your time machine then boom... it would be Wednesday all over again. One more day, just like today, to get it right, to do it better. Not like Bill Murray in Groundhog’s Day, but imagine you could have just this one day to redo. What would you do differently?

As a concept, the idea of being able to relive a day is very interesting if you think about it. There are a lot of days that I believe we would choose to live differently. Maybe less time in front of the TV, we would choose our words more carefully with our loved ones, we would laugh at the simple silly things that happen day to day. Maybe instead of quickly working through our lunch breaks, we would take 15 minutes to step outside and enjoy the warm sunshine.

This idea of reliving a day interests me because we would be able to act in a way that is congruent to our true selves when we know what is coming, when we know what to expect. We would take the little hiccups in life with a smile, because we would see them coming.

My challenge to you is to give this some thought. We don’t have the ability to live today over but we do have the ability to make the most out of this one day. Be authentic to yourself today. Difficulties will come but you can take them in stride. I don’t think a good day is determined by the lack of difficulties we encounter, but it’s determined by how we handle them.

Now imagine that this is your second day for living out this day… What do you need to change?

By: Nicholas Smith, MA, LPC

Good Friday

Today we remember the pain and torture Christ willingly allowed upon himself, in order that we may be given the opportunity for healing. His death, our life. May we take this opportunity to remember that because of what he endured, we are able to endure anything.

Thought Life

Hello Everyone! Today I have a concept to get you thinking. This is a topic that we all are probably familiar with but I find hearing it is always a good reinforcement of the idea. Perhaps today I have explained it in a way that will strike you a bit differently than it has before. Here is what I had to say:We, as humans, can be conceptually split into many different pieces and components.  

For the purpose of this article, I am going to split us into 3 components; Physical, Mental/Emotional, and Spiritual. Thought Life refers to how we interface with the 3 components of our humanity. It often goes unnoticed, but has the ability to make a great impact on us as a whole because it informs all aspects.

Most likely today, you have had some thought about each of your human components. You had some thoughts as you looked at yourself in the mirror (Physical), as you remembered that Friday’s make you happy (Emotional), and as you did your devotionals (Spiritual). During each of these events, you had thoughts that reinforced how you view and experience yourself and your world. So those thoughts, hold great importance! We would all benefit a great deal by paying more attention to how we talk to ourselves in our thought life.

Many who are struggling with depression or anxiety, even just mildly, report having a negative Thought Life after they take some time to examine it. Some refer to this as the tape player in our mind, reinforcing that we are “bad,” “stupid,” or “never going to amount to anything.” We have to change the tape. Start filling your Thought Life with positive aspects of yourself.

If you think about your thought life as a house, what is it filled with? Is it a place you really want to be? If not, what are some things you want to change about it? Replace the old worn out thoughts that leave you feeling down or stressed out. What are your strengths, passions, goals, and dreams? Fill your Thought Life with these items and they will make a more comfortable house to live in.

By: Nicholas Smith, MA, LPC

Heart Issues

Welcome everyone, to Heritage Counseling Center’s Blog! I hope it finds you well. Farah Harris is the author of this week’s article. Farah understands that most people don’t act out of random impulses, but each and every action has some sort of reason behind it. She asks that you would join her in taking a deeper look at these behaviors. Here is what she has to say:

We often complain about another person’s behavior. As a counselor, I listen to parents grumble about their children, couples finding fault in one another, and individuals criticizing their friends or co-workers. After listening to their disapprovals, disdain and disappointments, my question to them always is “And what is the heart issue?”

Living with Depression and Getting Stuck in a Snow Bank

It’s Wednesday, and that means it time for another great article! This week on the Blog we have Scott Hendrickson, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and the President of Heritage Counseling Center. Scott brings some great information for us on the topic of depression. How are we to start recovery? What is a Christian perspective on depression? Can it ever get better? These are some questions that Scott wrestles with in this article. Here is what he has to say:

The feeling of depression is a difficult thing to live with. Many people have sat with me and shared the pain of their depression. It is quite honestly difficult to describe what it is like. I will be the first to admit that I cannot fully comprehend the depth of darkness, tiredness, loneliness and shame that a depressed person often lives with. It is so difficult that it can lead many people to believe they are causing all of this to happen to themselves. You see, that is what depression does, it leads you to have a darker, more judgmental view of yourself and when you believe you are the cause, you just don't want to be seen and life becomes darker and lonelier still. I know it is deeply challenging to accept but there is hope for you. I have a few thoughts to encourage all of us and that might lead to some changes in the way we think.