Resolution Momentum

By: Nick Smith, LCPC

If you started this year with a resolution, I first want to congratulate you on making a commitment to change. I hope this post serves as some encouragement on your journey. There is no doubt that this journey will be difficult at times but here are some ideas to help keep you going.

1. Start Small: Typically the “Go Big or Go Home” mentality leads many people to just “go home.” If you can start making small changes here at the beginning of the year, you can build momentum. It’s better to frustrated about feeling like you can do more than to feel frustrated by the daily difficulty of it.
   
2. Change is difficult. If it weren’t, you would have done it already. Remember this when your mind starts to condemn you for being “weak” or “slow” or “unable.”
   
3. If one day you want to quit, do something small. If you committed to going to the gym, then go for 5 minutes. If you committed to eat more greens, then eat one leaf of spinach. But achieving your goal in a small way will help momentum.
   
4. Reassess goals often. At the beginning of the year it’s easy to say, “I’m going to go to the gym 5 days a week,” then come to remember after the first week how difficult that is. It’s possible that you have overcommitted and that’s ok. Overcommitment helps to see what a more realistic goal could look like. Also, life circumstances change and we have to reassess our goals in those times. 
   

Achieving your goal is possible! Try to stay positive and surround yourself with people who support you. You can get there! 

The Power of Change

By: Cindy Raices

In a world of constant change, we can become apprehensive about what the next step in our lives will look like. Whether the next step be an empty nest, a new job, a new child or a new ministry, change can be difficult. As humans beings, we crave comfort and stability. When change approaches, instead of embracing it, we resist it. We tend to resist change, even while we are in dysfunctional conditions. No matter how bad things around us, we believe it's safer for things to stay the same rather than embrace change. 

Many people fear change because of the unknown and lack of control that is tied to change. It is challenging to take the first step when we do not know what will follow. Others find change to be problematic because they believe the demands of change are out of their reach. While change may seem out of reach or too scary to fathom, here are some simple steps to approach it.

Begin by taking the first step. One of the most difficult parts of change is simply getting started. Many times our fears convince us to just focus on what is in front of us. They highlight the challenges and risks involved in moving forward. However, it is usually after taking that first step that things begin to clear up. New opportunities are birthed through embracing change. All we have to do is take the first step. 

After you’ve taken the first step, don't give up. There may be times when adversity will encourage you to go backwards. However, you must continue forward. A good way to sustain the change you have embraced is by having support and accountability. Your support can come from family, friends, or even your hope for the future. Whatever it is, make sure is something that keeps you moving forward. Forward is always a powerful direction. It causes you to grow and exposes you to more possibilities. 

There is something that happens inside of us as we change. Despite the discomfort and inconvenience that comes with change, change will always produce new opportunities, perspectives and growth if you are willing to embrace it. Take the first step and you will see how change is powerful. 

Identifying Denial (Part 1)

Welcome!  This week’s article is brought to you by me, Nicholas Smith, the host of Heritage’s Blog.  Denial is often a word used in the realm of addiction recovery.  In those settings it’s not uncommon to hear someone say, “Denial, it’s not just a river that runs through Egypt.”  Though denial is often spoken about with addictions, I’d like to point out that denial can be common in anyone’s life.  Part of understanding ourselves fully is uncovering these areas of denial.  Here is what I have to say:

Denial is a powerful force.  It is as clear as day to others, yet it is hardly ever considered an issue for those experiencing it.  So how do we identify those things in our lives that we might be in denial about?  Or the question that I get more often is, "How do I get _____ to understand how this is impacting his/her life and relationships?"  

The Problem With Pragmatism

We are all philosophers.  At least, we all have some philosophy that informs the way we live.  Most of us go throughout life without examining the principles that guide our thinking and how those thoughts are often shaped by the society in which we live.  Adrienne Kather is the author of this week's blog article and she invites us to challenge our philosophy by first helping us understand where to start.  Here is what she has to say:

I don’t know about you, but I had never really given much thought to the philosophy of pragmatism or how it effects the way we (especially we Americans) think. In fact, if someone would have asked me about pragmatism I probably wouldn’t even had known it was a philosophy. The only thing I would have known is that I associated being pragmatic with being practical. Over the last year I’ve learned quite a bit about pragmatism and how it effects the way we think. Although I am not a philosopher by any means, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned and its application to topics that come up in counseling sessions.

According to Stephen Hicks, PhD., pragmatism is America’s contribution to philosophy, whereas idealism and realism come from European philosophers. There are three main aspects to the philosophy of pragmatism. I’m going to only tell the very basics here, if you’d like to hear more detail you can watch the videos by Stephen Hicks, PhD. referenced at the end of this article. First, pragmatists believe that the world and everything in the world is continually changing. Second, pragmatists are skeptical about obtaining absolute knowledge. This makes sense since they believe that everything is constantly changing, because of this experience is most important in obtaining information. Third, compared to the other main philosophies, pragmatism is more concerned with and democratic in determining societal values. 

If everything is changing and absolute knowledge cannot be obtained, the question is then “what is truth?” Well, in a system where absolute knowledge cannot be obtained and experience is paramount in knowing, truth has to be functional.  Therefore, truth has to be what works. Then the question is “what works?”  What works is what achieves/satisfies our desires. Yet, our desires are subjective – they are both subject to change and subjective in individual experience. Therefore, truth is subjective. The problem with this is what does one say then about those in society who are clearly hurting others and hurting society. The 2nd generation of pragmatists answered that question by adding the word society to the formula – what works for society and what satisfies societal desires. Then one can say that something that what our society has decided is harmful to others is unacceptable; however, one still cannot determine what is acceptable in other societies. This is where pragmatism is more social – society determines through debate and discussion what the values will be for their society. 

Out of the three basic tenants, the three aspects that surface as the most important influencers of how we think are emphasis on what works, emphasis on experience, emphasis on truth being subjective. Now, there are times when placing an emphasis on what works is important and necessary. There are times when relying on or at least considering experience is important. There are even times when applicable truth on a matter is subjective. The problem is that we often (probably usually) emphasize these elements when there are other, and sometimes more significant, questions that need to be asked to determine how we will think and act. 

Because essentially any topic effecting one’s life can be a topic in counseling, the topics brought to counseling where the influence of pragmatism is evident are innumerable. So, I will just highlight a few that stand out to me. 

The first is when a person in counseling thinks that the counseling isn’t working because they aren’t feeling better or the problem isn’t instantaneously solved. Pragmatic influence has caused us to believe that something is only working if it works right away, and because what works is based on our desires (and we desire the problem to be solved right away), we think it isn’t working because it isn’t solved quickly. The problem is that rarely are topics in counseling resolved in entirety quickly. Counseling is more like changing your diet or working out – results usually happen (and are longer lasting) when they happen slowly over time. Of course, even in a change of diet or working out we still desire to see quick results. The other factor to take into consideration is that when you are working on an issue that requires healing (rather than only learning management techniques), sometimes you might even feel worse before you start to feel better…which wouldn’t fit into pragmatic thinking at all!

The second is the idea that if someone has not experienced the exact problem you are experiencing, they cannot understand or help you. Therefore, if the counselor has not had your experience, the counselor cannot understand or help you. If the counselor is not married, how could he or she help a married couple? If the counselor is not a parent, how can the counselor help with parenting? If the counselor doesn’t have a history of addiction, how can he or she help those with addiction? And the list goes on and on. The emphasis on experience in this example needs to be called into question. Despite what the pragmatic influence has engrained in us to believe, experience is not the only way to knowledge. In fact, sometimes experience is deceiving and not the best way to accurate knowledge at all. Let’s just look at one of these examples a little deeper. Let’s look at a counselor who is not a parent. When looking at the experience it is clear that there are some things that counselor wouldn’t know in an experiential way, such as what it’s like to wake up to a crying baby. However, they do have training in emotional and psychological development and many other things related to parenting that will help the parent raise a child to an adult who is a healthy, responsible, contributing member of society.

Along the same lines as the last idea is when we won’t receive knowledge because we’ve swallowed that all knowledge is subjective. Of course, some knowledge is subjective. For example, my sister’s baby overheats and therefore becomes overstimulated easily, so she doesn’t have to bundle him up too heavily, but people criticize her thinking that she has not sufficiently bundled him. However, not all knowledge is subjective. For example, defaulting to the use of emotional consequences with your child (shaming, yelling, etc.) has a negative impact on emotional and psychological development even if it may work in the moment to get compliance. The more important question is whether it is teaching what they need to know for life about themselves, relationships, God and the world around them. That is not subjective.

How is pragmatic philosophy negatively effecting areas in your life? It’s not that we shouldn’t look to see if something is working, shouldn’t take experience into consideration, and shouldn’t accept the subjective experience of others. It is that we should not overly or only be relying on those things especially when there are other significant things to also take into consideration. If it is true it will work (eventually), but just because it works doesn’t mean it is true. Experience is important, but can be clouded by misperception and past experiences. Relying on our subjective knowledge hinders us from seeing the truth outside of ourselves. 

By Adrienne Kather, LPC

References

Hicks, S. (2010, May). Philosophy of Education, Part 9: Pragmatism. Pragmatic Philosophy, Clips 1 – 14. CEE Video Channel. Retrieved from the following: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkOZ4IyAbNA, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug271VCMaDY, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFRbaAYJ8vo, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YZiK7NbEj0, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-qDzJza2Zc, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=talfsQ3Pq98, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZWip5kQZKs, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pin3BhNX-s, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_mVbidBk18, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RubeW3Htn2Q, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSIvKcLaJyc, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z56IxrIZ0BA, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgoqqwOJKgg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQwDRVym1I0

Atmosphere of Change

By Nicholas Smith, LPC

   “People never change.”  How many times have you heard that saying in the span of your life?  As a Counselor, I have problems with that phrase because if people never actually changed, my career wouldn’t exist.  The truth of the matter is that until people see a reason or need to change, they won’t.

   Change is sort of a loaded word.  It implies pain or discomfort on some levels even if the change we are striving for is good, such as improving a marriage, overcoming anxiety, or achieving fitness goals.  In order to bring about change in our own lives, we must consistently remind ourselves that the pain of change, is more bearable than the pain of staying the same.  Change is possible, we see it here at Heritage everyday.

   Most of us have a list of things that we would like to change in our lives yet we have never really taken the time to put much conscious thought to it.  Take some time to sit quietly and examine your life.  What are the things that you would like to do differently? Time management, fitness, career change, reading more, spending more time with your kids, having family dinners, etc. are all examples of common things people wish they could improve upon.  The first step of change is to examine your life, then write them down on a piece of paper. These are your Change Goals.

   After you have your Change Goals written down, you have to say them out loud to another person.  When you say it out loud, you start to own it in your mind.  That’s why in AA a person introduces himself or herself by saying, “My name is ____________ and I’m an alcoholic."  The ownership fosters the atmosphere of change.  It also keeps you accountable to someone outside of yourself.  From now on it’s going to be painful to tell that person if you have not been making steps to reach your change goal, therefore increasing the pain of staying the same.

   So you have your Change Goals written down and you have said them out loud to a friend; now you need a plan.  Break down goals into smaller sections.  For example, if your goal was to run a Marathon, you are better off doing many shorter runs and over time, building up to 26.2 miles. 

   Finally, don’t beat yourself up for not being able to achieve your goals overnight.  It takes a lot of time to reach goals; anything that is worth doing is most likely going to take a lot of time and effort.  Surround yourself with encouraging messages and people.  Follow Blogs such as this one to continuously feed yourself with positive messages.  Remove friends on Facebook who are always posting negative messages and start following people who bring positive ones. 

   You have what it takes to make a lasting, meaningful change in your life!