Therapist Anxiety

By: Samantha Hicks, LCPC

Seeking therapy can be an anxiety provoking experience. There can be so many questions on where to start and how to find someone who is a good fit for you. It is difficult to even figure out where to begin. Here are some helpful questions to think about and hints to make the process easier for you!

What do you need help with?

Starting with what you are seeking help for can be helpful in finding a therapist. Therapist typically specialize or have experience in areas. The website biographies are a perfect place to look for this information. Click HERE for our counselors.

What type of therapy are you looking for?

Do you want a male or female therapist? Christian therapist? Someone who is challenging, or has you guide the session? Do not be afraid to try a few therapists out to identify which one you feel works the best with you.

As therapists, we want the best fit for you that is going to help you achieve your goals. A way to get to know us better before we have a session is call us to get to know our therapy style a little better. Some questions to ask in that phone call could include:

• Do you have any specialties?
• Do you have experience working with (what you are looking to have help regarding)?
• What is your therapy style?

There is nothing wrong with calling a few therapists prior to scheduling a session with any of them. Also, do not hesitate to therapist hop if it does not seem right. You are taking a courageous step in seeking therapy and we want to make it the best fit for you. It can be uncomfortable to talk about situations that are affecting you so take it at your own pace. Just don’t give up!

Ovecoming Anxiety and Worry

By: Francine Costanza, MA, LCPC 

In this world it is an accomplishment to keep free from anxiety and worry. So many things happen beyond our control. Daily there are things in the news that cause us all to shudder. How can we keep a positive attitude? How can we bounce back over and over again?

What I have found to be the best antidote for worry and anxiety is the Word of God. There are many verses which speak to us about what to do when we are plagued by disappointment, fear and worry. God wants us to trust Him no matter how trying the times. He wants us to turn to Him for strength, for comfort and for direction. A relationship with God would be pretty unimportant if we could do everything with ease and control every adversity.  The longer I live the more I realize how little I can really control and how much I need the Lord each day. Reading the scriptures reminds me of how to think which I need often because it's easy to slip into negative thoughts and doubt.  Just as we need food and water to maintain a strong healthy body we also need spiritual nourishment to have a strong and healthy spirit and mindset.  2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take every thought captive  to the mind of Christ. As we read and re-read the Bible, these verses become internalized. When trouble comes, rather than fear the worst, we can rest in the knowledge that God is in control and that He will work all things out for good for us. (Romans 8:28). 

Below are some verses which are well worth memorizing or at least keeping in a convenient place to refer back to when fear and doubt take over.  God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5).  The more we trust those words and turn to Him in our times of need, the stronger we will get and the freer we will be to think positive no matter what the circumstances.  And in this way, the power of Christ is evident in this dark world. 

The recent events in Las Vegas were  horrible and devastating. Yet in the midst of such evil, the love and courage of many was witnessed and experienced. People helped one another, police stood in the way of fire to protect those who were there. Everywhere kindness and support were shown.  No-one and no-thing can stop love and goodness from flourishing just as darkness cannot put out the light. May we trust that God will give us the strength to meet whatever challenges come before us. Through Him we can have peace and know that the victory is ours in Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57)

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.”  John 14:27

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  2 Timothy 1:7 

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  1 John 4:18

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”  Psalm 23:4

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.  Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.  Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"  Luke 12:22-24

“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.  He freed me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Romans 8:38-39

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:30

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2

Dysfunctional Self-Care Repeats Itself

Dysfunctional self-care would be the things we do to relieve ourselves of our hurt or fear or our anger that ultimately lead to more hurt, fear or anger, etc. An example would be buying stuff excessively on Amazon or another of our favorite shopping places (online or brick and mortar) or explosively venting on the ones we love or trying to manipulate people in order to obtain a specifically desired outcome because we believe that if that outcome happens, our intense hurting feelings would dissipate.

Usually these attempts to care for our wounded feelings are externally focused. Anything or anybody outside of our inner self is the target. We might think, ‘if only I could get THIS, then I would feel better’. THIS could be a new wall color in our bedroom or a specific promise from a lover or a certain pay grade at work or...anything else outside of your own heart that you want. THIS might also include payback to someone who rejected or betrayed or disappointed us. If somebody else changes or something else changes...I would get relief—if only for a while.

People who use porn as a way to find relief from stress or anger are dysfunctionally caring for themselves. A betrayed spouse who obsesses on catching his partner cheating believes he will feel better if he can monitor every phone call and social interaction his wife has and prevent another cheating moment. The belief that if I can show enough rage, scream loud enough or shame completely enough, I can prevent any type of behavior that could hurt me.

Here is the rub: dysfunctional self-care repeats itself. Ask anyone who uses porn or smokes weed or some other life-controlling behavior how they feel soon after his or her latest use and the common answer is ashamed, embarrassed, fearful or worthless. Those specific feelings: shame, embarrassment, fear or worthlessness are among our most painful feelings. Do you see how externalizing our self-care dysfunctionally perpetuates itself? If you use your acting out behavior as a way to soothe your difficult feelings and it leads to more painful feelings, you are very likely to be right back at it again in order to find relief from more pain not less pain.

Was it Einstein who said, 'doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different outcome is insanity’? Maybe we all have a little crazy in us but trying to soothe our hurt or fear, etc. by doing something that leads to more feelings that need more care really is crazy—we are all strugglers in some way. I also realize the short-term relief that comes from our acting out brings us back to it. It is rather addicting for sure!

Because it is so addicting, it’s really difficult to simply stop on our own. Find some key relationships that can encourage, speak truth, support and/or just be present with you without judging in your struggle. My faith in Jesus and important truth-tellers in my life have provided me many of these. A skilled counselor can help, a wise mentor, Pastor or healthier family member can as well. Reach out! There are people and resources who are equipped to help with such a struggle. 

By: Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

Peace of God Beats Anxious Desperation

Why do you suppose God advises we find our peace in Him rather than our circumstances? To some people this seems obvious and therefore silly to even ask. To others this is a real question that is very difficult to even focus on due to the intensity of the fear they feel. I don’t ask the question to cause guilt or shame. Fear is a very real feeling caused by a number of components.

Fear and anxiety can be such a painful and uncomfortable feeling—so painful or uncomfortable that it leads to a desperate search for relief. That desperation pushes us to look at our circumstances to force-quit our anxiousness. We start to believe that if we can alter our circumstances, we can force our anxiousness to subside. There is a problem with this thinking however and that is that many circumstances are out of our control OR require us to control someone else. There is no ‘force-quit’ mechanism as much as we might try. How do we do this?

We use anger or fear to get people to change their way of thinking or behavior OR we obsess about the outcome that we believe would make our anxiousness go away.  All at the end of the day will more than likely leave you feeling as much or more anxious. The hard truth is that the more we go to our old methods to cope with our desperation, the more we are returned to the same old desperate, unresolved feelings of anxiousness. If this has been a struggle for you, then you know exactly what I am writing about.

More often than not, even if our best-case dreams happen, the anxiousness might subside only for a moment or a few days if we are fortunate.  Anxiety feelings lead us to magical thinking—if a certain hoped for outcome happens, I will be okay, if it doesn’t happen, I will not be okay—so I better put all my efforts into making it happen. As you wait and try to orchestrate your outcome, your anxiety will almost surely escalate back up to the desperation stage.

What is the answer to the question? God knows that only He is the solid Rock that won’t crumble when life challenges us to the core. Jesus is recorded in the Gospels as saying, ‘I will never leave you’. In your worst moment of fear, He is with you. You do not have to try harder, think smarter, perform better. He is here with you.  That is why the Apostle Paul described a peace that transcends our circumstances that will guard our hearts and minds.

This kind of faith seems abstract but as you allow it to grow, you will find a place to come and rest in your mind when your anxious feelings begin to ramp up again.  Knowing of His presence can help you give up the desperate trying and rest…and wait as your anxiousness floods over you and then subsides. 

By: Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

Who is Calling

Through the years I’ve been awed by two books; God Calling and Jesus Calling.  The first was written anonymously by two Catholic nuns who met together and listened for what they heard God saying to them.  It was a book of hope and comfort to me during a difficult time in my life.  The second, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, has been a blockbuster best seller in the Christian community for a few years now.  She shares in her introduction, that she was inspired by the book God Calling and decided to write her own book through listening to God speak to her.

  

Since reading these two books, I have tried my hand at writing down what I think I hear God saying to me.  It proved to be a wonderful exercise and a blessing as the words that came were ones of love, hope, wisdom and meaning to me.  

Here are a few examples of what came to me when I listened for God to speak to me.  Sometimes a Bible verse I had read would motivate me to begin as in this example:

(Psalm 94:19) When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul.

(What I felt that God said to me) “You are bogged down by many worries, even though you know Me and My love.  It is because you are easily deceived by the world and influenced by appearances.  You think that your security is based on the physical.  But your security is found in Me.  You need to get that.”

Another time, this came to mind:

“Do not fret or worry.  Trust Me.  Remember Who I am, the One Who loves you, the One Who has brought you into existence, the One Who died and rose again to give you life.  I am your Father, you can count on Me.  You can trust in My love.  You can trust in My promises.  I forgive you for everything.  I give you eternal life.  In this world are struggles and difficulties.  You know that I overcame the world and I am in you to overcome the things that you face in this world.  You are made for My kingdom which is eternal and which will come at the appointed time.  Have faith in My words and feel my Spirit in you, which is love, joy, peace and all that is good.  Rejoice that you and yours belong to Me and My kingdom. All I have is shared with all My children.  My love is larger than all the oceans and more than every grain of sand, more than all the stars above and all the molecules of life.  Live in My love.”

And one more:

“Guess what? I want you to be happy!  This often surprises people as they grow in their awareness of Me.  Happiness is not something which I give you permission to have.  It is My will for you.  You were designed to experience true happiness, lasting happiness, unashamed happiness. The happiness that I am talking about is not the same as that derived from earthly pleasure.  It is not dependent on such pleasures in order to exist.  It comes from the relationship you have with Me and the outpouring of My love onto your life and relationships with others.  It is similar to joy but it is lighter.  None the less, happiness does have a place in My kingdom and in the hearts of My children.”

This last sample kind of surprised me as often the definition of happiness described by believers is more carnal, based on worldly accomplishments, material gain, etc.  But I’ve often thought about the definition of “blessed,” given in Strong’s Concordance of the Bible, which means “to be happy.”  And according to the Bible, God does want to bless us.  So I guess that means He wants us to be happy! Happy in a way that can’t be taken from us because it is rooted in something far greater and indestructible, the Creator of the universe, Who loves us and died for us to free us from the power of sin, that we may live forever with Him.  We may not always be happy because bad things happen in this world.  But I believe it is our destiny and God will continue to bring us true happiness as we spend time in His presence.

This writing exercise is something that anyone can do if they believe in the Lord Jesus, have 20 minutes of spare time, paper and a pen (or a device to type on!).  I have always spent some time in God’s Word before attempting this and think it is best to start with reading some Scripture.  So how about giving it a try?  Instead of reading someone else’s version of what God is saying to them, or someone’s devotional book, listen for God’s devotion to you.  Write it down, believe what comes to mind, remember it and treasure it.  My guess is that it will be more positive, uplifting and compassionate than you might expect.  It certainly was for me. 

Some people may worry and think, “What if it’s just my thoughts coming through?  How dare I think they are God’s thoughts?!”  To that I would say; do they match up with Scripture? If they are speaking truth, then why fear?  And if they are just human thoughts then so be it.  I would never be so bold as to claim that these are absolutely from God.  But if they do not contradict God’s Word, I do not think there is any harm in having what feels like a two-way conversation with God, especially if accompanied by His Word and prayer.

May God richly bless you in your adventure through life and may He inspire you to meet with Him regularly, hopefully for a joy-filled, two-way conversation!

 

By: Francine Costanza, LCPC

 

 

 

Mindfulness with Anxiety

Anxiety is something that can affect all of us at any time. All emotions are God given and they teach us something. Yet, at times we can let our emotions dictate our actions. Anxiety is one emotion that can cripple us from living out the purpose God has for our lives. When God gave us emotions they were not designed to inhibit us from trusting in His plan.

One way to bring ourselves back to the present moment, and not have our emotions dictate our actions, is a mindfulness breathing exercise. It is an exercise because it is something that takes time and practice; just like working out. Begin by getting into a comfortable position. Then focus on your breathing; just recognize how you are breathing and have that be your anchor into the present moment. Adjust your breathing by counting in for three seconds and breathing out for five. Continuing this as long as you like.

The mind and body are connected. By exhaling for longer than inhaling, you are telling your body you are calming down. The parasympathetic nervous system is what helps us calm down and continue our normal body functioning that is not possible when we are in a state of anxiety. Continuing to breathe in this way will allow your body to tell your mind to release your anxiety and further trust in God’s plan for your day.

By: Sam Hicks, LPC 

Persevering Through Stressful Times

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  James 1:2-4

Pure joy? Really? You've got to be kidding!

When we have difficulties mounting around us, the idea of "considering it pure joy" can be incomprehensible to our human minds. Whether it's the stress at a job , a sick child, an aging parent, or a relationship conflict, too much stress can be immobilizing. Suddenly just getting dressed can be a challenge. Simple things like taking a shower, making meals or even getting out of bed can feel like hard labor. So how can James, the brother of Jesus, say to have joy during such times?

Anxiety Today

What is anxiety? Is it a feeling of dread? Is it like a knot in your stomach that won’t go away?  Is it constant worry over things you can’t control, or being overly concerned about one thing or another?  Essentially it is all of these things and it can take hold in our minds and even our bodies and often won’t let go.

Discouragement, Depression and Anxiety in our Relationships

Relationships are tough.  Knowing what to do in difficult times or moments of frustration can often seem to be a mystery.  Cindy O'Donnell has brought us a great article on how to examine our role in relationship issues.  When our relationships lack boundaries we can often feel anxious or depressed.  Here is what Cindy has to say:

“I just don’t understand why they did that to me.”
“Why are they hurting me like this?”
“They are so disrespectful?”
“I can’t take this anymore!”

Have you ever heard yourself say or think any of these questions? I know I have and I also have heard these questions asked over and over in my office. This type of thinking, if ruminated about long enough, can lead to discouragement, depression, stress and anxiety. Maybe as you are reading this you find yourself in a situation where you have been asking yourself these kinds of questions.

Journaling?

Hello Everyone!  Welcome to this week's blog article.  This week I wanted to keep it simple, short and sweet.  This exercise is something we all know about, many of us have tried it and some of us don't really understand its importance/significance.  What am I talking about?  Journaling.  Journaling can help ease your mind of anxieties and help get to the root cause of many emotional issues.

Journaling is meant to help understand the thoughts that are going on in your head. Writing your thoughts down helps you become more aware of stories you are telling yourself.  In many cases, the stories we tell ourselves, are not positive ones.  Many folks are surprised by how harsh they are on themselves.  With journaling, we can start to examine these stories and ask ourselves, "Is this true?"  Examining these stories is a great first step to freedom.

Where I notice people tend to go wrong with their journaling (and I'm at fault here too), is in taking a critics view of what you are putting down on the page.  Journaling is meant to be an exercise of freedom.  Literally anything goes.  If you think, "this is stupid, I can't write that down," then it is probably something that you should be writing down.  

So there you go, a simple start to journaling.  If you would like a more in depth understanding of journaling, let us know in the comments section!

By: Nicholas J. Smith, LPC

Back to School Anxiety

For me, Labor Day has always seemed to signify the end of summer and the start of a new season even though the calendar tells me that summer is technically still here for the next few weeks. By this point, most schools are back in the full swing of things and the busyness of the school year starts to set in. The new school year results in a wide array of emotions for children and parents alike, and for some children and adolescents, going back to school causes feelings of anxiety. Deciding whether or not a child's worries and fears might require additional help can be difficult for parents, so I filmed a video that talks about questions parents can ask themselves about their child to decipher whether seeking help from a professional is warranted. If you want to know more about back to school anxiety, check it out!

By: Amanda Paben, LPC

Move

Earlier this year, we held a seminar on the topics of: Marriage, Burnout, Parenting, and Anxiety.  Today I would like to bring to you all a clip from the anxiety portion of this seminar.  The speaker is Michael Angelo, LPC.  He is a regular contributor to this Blog as well as one of our wonderful therapists at Heritage Counseling Center.  Michael runs one of our Group Staples, which is called Move, for those struggling with anxiety.  In this clip, Michael explains some beliefs commonly held by those who struggle with anxiety as well as how to cope with those feelings by focusing on the present moment.  

For more information on Move, go to http://www.heritagecounseling.com then click on "Group Staples"

Thanks for watching!

Thank David Hendrickson, for making this video possible!

Overcome

Overcome.  This is a great word.  It’s a word that has changed perception in the human mind for over the past 300 years.  Overcome has eluded to getting through difficult physical situations; famine, warring enemies, plagues.  It has also evoked the idea of overcoming mental breakthroughs; the combustion engine, nuclear power, harnessing solar energy.  If you are similar to the half of American’s who struggle with some sort of emotional blockade such as; anxiety or depression, then you understand the desire to overcome now lies within your emotions.

The problem with emotional issues is that they are a lot more difficult to understand, given their lack of physicality.  We can overcome a mountain or river after we study it for a period of time.  We can overcome complex math problems after calculating and recalculating.  But emotional issues?  How do we quantify, calculate or study these problems?  There is hope, and it might be more simple than you’d think.

Understanding Anxiety

Hello All!  Nicholas Smith here again on the Blog for the 2nd time this week.  Anxiety is the topic for today.  I wanted to paint a broad picture here of what it is and how to fix it.  This is in no way the final work ever needed to be produced on the subject, but more of a quick snapshot.  Here is what I had to say:

According to WebMD.com, 28.8% of Americans will suffer from anxiety at some point throughout their lifetime, in a way that interferes with their daily activities. America is considered to be the most anxious country in the world. I write this post as an attempt to present some of the common effects and remedies to anxiety. 

1. Negative Thinking.  Most of how we feel is guided by the thoughts we allow ourselves to ponder.  Simply put, if we think negatively about ourselves, we will believe that negative things are going to happen to us.  We must challenge our negative thoughts!  Take note of your thought life.  What is your inner voice saying?  Is what you tell yourself true?  Often times, we tell ourselves elaborate tales of how forgetting to pay the telephone bill will lead us to living on the streets, fighting rats for bits of food in the dumpster.  But that just isn't true.  Take note, find the truth, then let the truth lead you.
2. Anxiety is often times hard to understand, and those suffering from it, try really hard to figure it out.  Thinking about why you are anxious isn't going to be enough.  You must become a scientist.  Log your thinking in a journal, study your thought patterns and see how they affect how you feel.  The only reason we understand anything in the natural world is because someone was willing to take the time to study it.  So do the work.
3. All consuming is an appropriate way to describe anxiety for most people.  When you feel overwhelmed with stress, it really can take a toll, especially if you feel trapped.  This situation can lead to a desire to escape.  Some escape to drugs and alcohol, pornography, movies, video games etc...  When you are anxious stick to your trusted hobbies or find a new hobby.  Talk to your friends about how you are feeling.
4. Anxiety is exhausting.  This exhaustion can lead to feelings of depression.  Continue your routine!  You don't feel like it but you have to do it.  Skipping work, school and your other commitments are only going to lead to bigger problems down the road.  If you don't have a routine or commitments, make some.  Try to go to sleep at a decent time, and don't oversleep.  You don't need any more than 9hrs max, unless your doctor has told you otherwise.  Even though you may be exhausted, incorporate exercise.  Exercise is a great natural stress relief.  You don't even have to get a gym membership, just go take a 20 minute walk.
5. Whether having a low sense of self can cause anxiety or if anxiety can cause a low sense of self is no matter.  What we do know is that a low sense of self can accompany those with prolonged anxiety.  It is important during these times to remind yourself of who you are and who it is that you want to be in 2 years, 5 years etc.  Write down positive character traits about yourself and those traits you wish to exercise more commonly.  
6. The final point is purpose.  Anxiety can come about when folks have gone through period of their life and don't seem to be getting anywhere.  Maybe a dead-end job or feeling like you should be further along in life than you are (all your friends are married, all your peers have graduated college, etc.).  Maybe its time to rethink the direction of your life, set some new goals.  Most likely there will be much of issue #1 occurring so you might have to get some peace in this area.  

As always, I hope this post has been educational and inspirational in some ways.  If you suffer from anxiety, please contact a professional in order to get help.  Exodus chapter 14 verse 14 has sort of been stuck in my mind, check that out and let me know what you think!

By: Nicholas Smith, MA, LPC

A Basic Guide to Prayer And Meditation

By Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

Here at HCCI we promote prayer because we believe in it. The use of prayer has long been considered highly therapeutic and this has been affirmed numerous times by various professional studies as well as personal anecdotes spoken and written about for more than 2000 years.

Just Tell Me What To Do To Make It Better!

By Scott Hendrickson, LCPC

 

On January 14, 2014, Heritage Counseling Center will be presenting a seminar to help people struggling with anxiety, hard to parent children, ministry burnout and marriage. We are calling it Just Tell Me What To Do To Make It Better! not because we have a quick magical fix but rather to provide people a path to get better-steps that if taken will move fellow strugglers towards better and better.

Overcoming Anxiety: Using "T" to Achieve "V"

By Michael Angelo, LPC

   No group can act as if it is comprised of individuals alone. Unlike individual-centered activities, teams—whether in business, sports, or elsewhere—achieve victory together, as an assembly of unified people with one unrelenting purpose: defeat their opponent—whoever or whatever it is—through coming together, in sync, not remaining apart, disjointed in their thinking, actions, or effort.