Grace and Truth in Difficult Conversations

A huge challenge I find many people encounter in counseling is how to speak the truth in love; what it means to be assertive, rather than aggressive, passive, or passive aggressive. How do we confront people with the truth without being judgmental, controlling or self-righteous; in other words “speak the truth in love”? And how do we offer grace and mercy to others, lift them up, be encouraging and supportive, without being enabling, lukewarm or sugarcoating?

There, unfortunately, is no one easy answer that applies in all situations and all relationship dynamics. Rather, we need to prayerfully seek God’s will and apply Scripture on a case by case basis, as we all need both soft love (grace and mercy) and tough love (iron sharpening iron). Galatians 6:1 tells us “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” (ESV)

For additional reading on this subject, Henry Cloud’s book “Changes That Heal” is an excellent resource for self-growth and improving relational skills. Early in the book, Henry addresses this Grace and Truth dilemma, and gives a good analogy of how we need to have a right balance of both in life and in our relationships. I also recommend Philip Yancey’s book, “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” and James Dobson’s “Love Must Be Tough” for further insight and examples of ways to appropriately balance grace and truth.

Written by Roberta Vondrak, LCPC

On The Subject of Waiting...

I was speaking with someone recently who had disappointments in life because he reached a point where he looked around with his wife and concluded that others were further ahead of him and therefore he should be further ahead in his ministry. They believed that they should have something right now and so manipulated the situation to get what they felt entitled to now rather than wait any longer.

By the Grace of God

Last week I wrote about living life daily and the difficulty that entails at times. I brought out the fact that Jesus said that loving God and loving others was essential to living a fulfilled life. As I tried to articulate my thoughts on ways to go about loving God and loving people, I read a devotional by John Piper from his book Life as a Vapor. I concluded that I could not say it any better and shouldn’t try. So the following is from John Piper.

A Life Well Lived

We all struggle from time to time with the numerous difficulties in living life on a daily basis. One day while driving I was listening to a program on the radio and they were discussing this very issue. One of the guests on the show commented that the hardest thing about life is that it’s daily. I thought, hmm… This is so true. How often do we have such a tough day that we seem to just barely make it and then realize we have to get up again tomorrow morning and do it all over again? Life has a way of beating up on us, wearing us down, and then….. and then we have to keep doing it.

Wonderful, Beautiful Conflict

What’s so good about conflict? Most people avoid conflict as much as they possibly can. Most people would rather be personally miserable than be in conflict with someone else. I remember years ago, my wife was angry at me (deservedly so) so I worked late just so I didn’t have to deal with the conflict when I got home. When I arrived home close to midnight, I saw the light was still on in our bedroom.

Trust Me For the Rain: Relying on God in Ordinary Circumstances

More than anything in this world, I wanted to be a Mommy. When you asked me what I wanted to be as a child, that was my answer. When I got married, we had our “life plan.” Five years into the marriage, we were going to start a family. My husband wanted that time to enjoy married life and to get financially stable. I was 24 when I got married, so I thought we had plenty of time.

It's Not About the Food!

Why can’t I lose weight? I have been on every diet known to man and can never seem to keep it off! If I were thinner I would be happier. Why can’t I just have willpower? Anyone who has ever battled weight has said or heard those things from friends and family. There is a biological component, as our bodies only need so much energy. Too much we gain weight, not enough leaves us with little energy.