As a Tree Grows

By: Francine Costanza, LCPC

As I look out at the trees, now void of leaves on this brisk December day, I am reminded of the story that is framed and hung in the hallway of Heritage Counseling Center. It is a fable about a young tree whose leaves are starting to change color and the tree feels confused and frightened. The tree talks to God about what is happening. It is a great analogy to what we often feel when changes happen outside of our control. A copy of the story is available at Heritage. You can ask for one at the office or any counselor can get one for you.

There are so many great tree analogies. I like the verse in Jeremiah (7:22), which says, “Those who trust in the Lord and whose confidence is in Him will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in the year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” When I think of our roots going down deep into the ground, I think of being rooted and grounded in Christ. I believe that this is what gives us the rich spiritual nourishment we need to make us the strong and healthy, able to withstand any storm or wind that comes our way. 

The idea of a tree bearing fruit is also mentioned in the Bible, indicating our spiritual growth and the evidence of our faith in Christ. In Matthew 7:20, Jesus talks about good fruit and bad fruit being shown in people when He says, “By their fruits you shall know them.” Them refers to those who demonstrate the character qualities that God desires in us. And what exactly are these qualities or good fruits that Jesus is talking about? Galatians 5:22 explains it clearly. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” On our own these fruits can be hard to come by. Patience and gentleness are not always easy. And the Bible teaches that joy is not based on circumstances. God is the one who can bring these qualities about in us when we can’t. Left to ourselves we are inconsistent in our abilities to maintain them. But with God working in us through the Holy Spirit we can. As we spend time with the Lord, meditating on his Word and praying, these fruits will blossom and grow in us.

May each of you who reads this, grow strong in the Lord and in the power of his love with deep roots and may you bear the ripest and best of fruits!

Therapist Anxiety

By: Samantha Hicks, LCPC

Seeking therapy can be an anxiety provoking experience. There can be so many questions on where to start and how to find someone who is a good fit for you. It is difficult to even figure out where to begin. Here are some helpful questions to think about and hints to make the process easier for you!

What do you need help with?

Starting with what you are seeking help for can be helpful in finding a therapist. Therapist typically specialize or have experience in areas. The website biographies are a perfect place to look for this information. Click HERE for our counselors.

What type of therapy are you looking for?

Do you want a male or female therapist? Christian therapist? Someone who is challenging, or has you guide the session? Do not be afraid to try a few therapists out to identify which one you feel works the best with you.

As therapists, we want the best fit for you that is going to help you achieve your goals. A way to get to know us better before we have a session is call us to get to know our therapy style a little better. Some questions to ask in that phone call could include:

• Do you have any specialties?
• Do you have experience working with (what you are looking to have help regarding)?
• What is your therapy style?

There is nothing wrong with calling a few therapists prior to scheduling a session with any of them. Also, do not hesitate to therapist hop if it does not seem right. You are taking a courageous step in seeking therapy and we want to make it the best fit for you. It can be uncomfortable to talk about situations that are affecting you so take it at your own pace. Just don’t give up!

Making Amends

By: Jeanette Sziler, LCPC

Making amends, seeking repentance can feel as if it is an impossible step to take as it demands quite a lot of the self. If one is willing to seek amends for the harm and hurt that their actions have caused others, growth will happen. Making amends is not simply a change of heart and mind that leads one to do what is right; it is an action that one takes to wrong what has been done. For an example, if the act was stealing then confess and return what was stolen. 

Expressions of humility and regret when we hurt others is important as it shows that the person understands the damage and pain they have caused others. Confessing in a radically honest way means owning the wrong that was committed. This means saying, “Yes, I stole your money, my actions are inexcusable”. It does not mean saying, “Yes, I stole from you but, it wasn't me, I was on drugs.” Confessing and owning leaves out the “buts” or any type of justifications. Seeking mercy, forgiveness, and healing of the relationships that were damaged is part of making amends. Remember however that restoring a relationship is not always possible. Sometimes owning the hurt, confessing, and apologizing doesn't open the door for reconciliation, and that has to be okay for the one making amends. If when making amends the relationship is not repaired the way it was “suppose” to go, take ownership of that for it is a consequence of poor and unwise choices. Making amends is not about anticipating how others will react or respond to it, it is about changing the heart, mind, and actions regardless of the outcome. Making amends is about growing and evolving as a person and understanding the impact of how it has effected others.

The Power of Change

By: Cindy Raices

In a world of constant change, we can become apprehensive about what the next step in our lives will look like. Whether the next step be an empty nest, a new job, a new child or a new ministry, change can be difficult. As humans beings, we crave comfort and stability. When change approaches, instead of embracing it, we resist it. We tend to resist change, even while we are in dysfunctional conditions. No matter how bad things around us, we believe it's safer for things to stay the same rather than embrace change. 

Many people fear change because of the unknown and lack of control that is tied to change. It is challenging to take the first step when we do not know what will follow. Others find change to be problematic because they believe the demands of change are out of their reach. While change may seem out of reach or too scary to fathom, here are some simple steps to approach it.

Begin by taking the first step. One of the most difficult parts of change is simply getting started. Many times our fears convince us to just focus on what is in front of us. They highlight the challenges and risks involved in moving forward. However, it is usually after taking that first step that things begin to clear up. New opportunities are birthed through embracing change. All we have to do is take the first step. 

After you’ve taken the first step, don't give up. There may be times when adversity will encourage you to go backwards. However, you must continue forward. A good way to sustain the change you have embraced is by having support and accountability. Your support can come from family, friends, or even your hope for the future. Whatever it is, make sure is something that keeps you moving forward. Forward is always a powerful direction. It causes you to grow and exposes you to more possibilities. 

There is something that happens inside of us as we change. Despite the discomfort and inconvenience that comes with change, change will always produce new opportunities, perspectives and growth if you are willing to embrace it. Take the first step and you will see how change is powerful. 

Ovecoming Anxiety and Worry

By: Francine Costanza, MA, LCPC 

In this world it is an accomplishment to keep free from anxiety and worry. So many things happen beyond our control. Daily there are things in the news that cause us all to shudder. How can we keep a positive attitude? How can we bounce back over and over again?

What I have found to be the best antidote for worry and anxiety is the Word of God. There are many verses which speak to us about what to do when we are plagued by disappointment, fear and worry. God wants us to trust Him no matter how trying the times. He wants us to turn to Him for strength, for comfort and for direction. A relationship with God would be pretty unimportant if we could do everything with ease and control every adversity.  The longer I live the more I realize how little I can really control and how much I need the Lord each day. Reading the scriptures reminds me of how to think which I need often because it's easy to slip into negative thoughts and doubt.  Just as we need food and water to maintain a strong healthy body we also need spiritual nourishment to have a strong and healthy spirit and mindset.  2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take every thought captive  to the mind of Christ. As we read and re-read the Bible, these verses become internalized. When trouble comes, rather than fear the worst, we can rest in the knowledge that God is in control and that He will work all things out for good for us. (Romans 8:28). 

Below are some verses which are well worth memorizing or at least keeping in a convenient place to refer back to when fear and doubt take over.  God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5).  The more we trust those words and turn to Him in our times of need, the stronger we will get and the freer we will be to think positive no matter what the circumstances.  And in this way, the power of Christ is evident in this dark world. 

The recent events in Las Vegas were  horrible and devastating. Yet in the midst of such evil, the love and courage of many was witnessed and experienced. People helped one another, police stood in the way of fire to protect those who were there. Everywhere kindness and support were shown.  No-one and no-thing can stop love and goodness from flourishing just as darkness cannot put out the light. May we trust that God will give us the strength to meet whatever challenges come before us. Through Him we can have peace and know that the victory is ours in Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57)

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.”  John 14:27

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  2 Timothy 1:7 

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  1 John 4:18

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”  Psalm 23:4

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.  Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.  Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"  Luke 12:22-24

“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.  He freed me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Romans 8:38-39

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:30

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2

A Review on ‘To the Bone’

By: Samantha Hicks, LCPC

‘To the Bone’ is a Netflix movie about a young girl who is struggling with an eating disorder. This movie depicts a couple of treatment programs the main character goes through and her struggles with her family. Without giving away details of the movie, if you are interested into the struggle of an eating disorder and difficulties of treatment this movie will help provide some insight into what that world is like. 

Treatment for an eating disorder can be extremely difficult. Unlike treatment with an addiction where someone can avoid the substance they abuse; someone with an eating disorder has to learn an entirely new relationship with food. We are surrounded by food and food advertisements all of the time, so relearning that relationship can take a very long time.

I also appreciate in this movie, even though it is not the focus, that it makes mention of other forms of an eating disorder; such as binge eating. A common thought regarding eating disorders is that it is not a problem because the person is not “too skinny.” According to the DSM, which is how the mental health field categorizes disorders, it states that “…eating disorders are characterized by a persistent disturbance of eating or eating-related behavior that results in the altered consumption or absorption of food and that significantly impairs physical health or psychosocial functioning (p.329).” Depending on the diagnosis there can criteria for weight limits, however most eating disorders are not categorized by below average weight. 

Eating disorders take form in one or multiple of the following ways:

• Restricting- reducing the amount of food intake
• Binging- eating an amount of food in large portions than typically seen
• Purging- throwing ingested food back up
• Over-exercising

The important thing to remember if you or someone you love is struggling with an eating disorder is seeking help in a variety of ways. Therapy, whether in group or individual, is very helpful to process through the underlying feelings of the behaviors. It is not as simple as just eating. Effective treatment includes other disciplines as well such as a dietitian, doctor, and psychiatrist. Like stated previously, treatment is very difficult and for some it takes an eye-opening or scary incident for true change to occur; which this movie also shows.

Dysfunctional Self-Care Repeats Itself

Dysfunctional self-care would be the things we do to relieve ourselves of our hurt or fear or our anger that ultimately lead to more hurt, fear or anger, etc. An example would be buying stuff excessively on Amazon or another of our favorite shopping places (online or brick and mortar) or explosively venting on the ones we love or trying to manipulate people in order to obtain a specifically desired outcome because we believe that if that outcome happens, our intense hurting feelings would dissipate.

Usually these attempts to care for our wounded feelings are externally focused. Anything or anybody outside of our inner self is the target. We might think, ‘if only I could get THIS, then I would feel better’. THIS could be a new wall color in our bedroom or a specific promise from a lover or a certain pay grade at work or...anything else outside of your own heart that you want. THIS might also include payback to someone who rejected or betrayed or disappointed us. If somebody else changes or something else changes...I would get relief—if only for a while.

People who use porn as a way to find relief from stress or anger are dysfunctionally caring for themselves. A betrayed spouse who obsesses on catching his partner cheating believes he will feel better if he can monitor every phone call and social interaction his wife has and prevent another cheating moment. The belief that if I can show enough rage, scream loud enough or shame completely enough, I can prevent any type of behavior that could hurt me.

Here is the rub: dysfunctional self-care repeats itself. Ask anyone who uses porn or smokes weed or some other life-controlling behavior how they feel soon after his or her latest use and the common answer is ashamed, embarrassed, fearful or worthless. Those specific feelings: shame, embarrassment, fear or worthlessness are among our most painful feelings. Do you see how externalizing our self-care dysfunctionally perpetuates itself? If you use your acting out behavior as a way to soothe your difficult feelings and it leads to more painful feelings, you are very likely to be right back at it again in order to find relief from more pain not less pain.

Was it Einstein who said, 'doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different outcome is insanity’? Maybe we all have a little crazy in us but trying to soothe our hurt or fear, etc. by doing something that leads to more feelings that need more care really is crazy—we are all strugglers in some way. I also realize the short-term relief that comes from our acting out brings us back to it. It is rather addicting for sure!

Because it is so addicting, it’s really difficult to simply stop on our own. Find some key relationships that can encourage, speak truth, support and/or just be present with you without judging in your struggle. My faith in Jesus and important truth-tellers in my life have provided me many of these. A skilled counselor can help, a wise mentor, Pastor or healthier family member can as well. Reach out! There are people and resources who are equipped to help with such a struggle. 

By: Scott Hendrickson, LCPC