Living with Depression and Getting Stuck in a Snow Bank

It’s Wednesday, and that means it time for another great article! This week on the Blog we have Scott Hendrickson, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and the President of Heritage Counseling Center. Scott brings some great information for us on the topic of depression. How are we to start recovery? What is a Christian perspective on depression? Can it ever get better? These are some questions that Scott wrestles with in this article. Here is what he has to say:

The feeling of depression is a difficult thing to live with. Many people have sat with me and shared the pain of their depression. It is quite honestly difficult to describe what it is like. I will be the first to admit that I cannot fully comprehend the depth of darkness, tiredness, loneliness and shame that a depressed person often lives with. It is so difficult that it can lead many people to believe they are causing all of this to happen to themselves. You see, that is what depression does, it leads you to have a darker, more judgmental view of yourself and when you believe you are the cause, you just don't want to be seen and life becomes darker and lonelier still. I know it is deeply challenging to accept but there is hope for you. I have a few thoughts to encourage all of us and that might lead to some changes in the way we think.The way we think is really important. While I don't believe the way we think causes depression necessarily, it certainly can add fuel to its fire. When you live with depression day after day, you might be tempted to react to these feelings. You might start to believe (think) that if you act a certain way, take the right combination of medicine, read the latest self-help book, watch as many webinars and seminars as possible that you 'should' be better. I am not trashing talking on all of the above, there are many wonderful medicines and educational resources that can be very effective in helping your depression. Thinking (believing) this however begins to lead to a sense of failure if your depression doesn't lift in your expected time of recovery. It is more necessary to see there isn't a simple fix to depression. It takes time and patience to get through.

Here are a few thoughts to keep in mind to help you in your recovery process...

Depression was not something you asked for or made happen to you. It happens for a number of reasons and not all are fully understood by the great minds of psychology and medicine. Medicine is helpful and advised but after your doctor gives you a prescription he/she will also advise you to see a counselor because if that doctor is honest, they will tell you there are multiple components to your recovery. Why? Because it is a legitimate illness like heart disease or diabetes, etc. To think that somehow you brought this on yourself is what I would call a symptom of your depression. It leads you to think poorly about yourself and your life.

Jesus once asked of some very judgmental people who were trying to interfere with someone's healing, 'why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?' He also said, 'The thief comes ONLY to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you might have life and have it to the full.' Who is the enemy? In this case Jesus was talking about Satan--the devil. In the Hebrew language, satan also is a word meaning 'accuser'. The accuser by definition holds whatever it can against you for the express purpose of condemning you. This is how Satan, the enemy steals, kills and destroys our lives. It also is how he uses our best friends and family and our own thoughts against us by telling us we should somehow just be better or get over our depression. Any thought you have in your mind that would suggest you brought this on yourself or that you should somehow get over your depression by performing better should be suspected as more foe than friend.

This becomes a repeating pattern of thought in our minds that goes like this: We feel our depression (low energy, anxiousness, wanting to isolate, nothing gives its usual feelings of pleasure, irritable and angry) and we remind ourselves that if only we found the right treatment or completed it more perfectly we would be over this or certainly better (accusing thought). We then feel discouraged or like a failure leading us to research more treatments, read more books, etc. When this doesn't provide the desired effect our feelings trigger more of a hold on the depression and we could actually feel desperate to not be depressed anymore which cycles us through the whole repeating thought pattern all over again. Continuing to entertain these thoughts will act more like a vise-grip to your depression than allow you to be free of it.

Accept the reality of your depression. It seems almost a bit radical to accept something like depression is a part of our lives. It's not to say that it's okay but in effect it is saying that you are not going to die (even if you feel this way) and are going to live and therefore will be okay, will endure it, will survive it, ...will be okay. I am by no means trying to discount or minimize what you are living with right now, but your darkened thoughts might try to convince you this is intolerable when in fact, you have already tolerated it longer than you would have expected (in all likelihood). Some days are definitely worse than others but this implies there are going to be better days ahead. The apostle Paul says those who endure to the end will be saved. You are in the enduring phase of your depression, yet despite what you are feeling, you will experience better.

Accepting the reality of one's depression also admits the need for treatment. Untreated depression can be lethal. Suicidal thoughts happen so submitting yourself to treatment will assist you through these dark moments. Not all depressed people are suicidal however but still accepting you are depressed says you need help. Untreated depression prolongs itself as well. Accepting that you are depressed gets you on the road to recovery. I wish I could tell you how long that road is but that wouldn't be honest. For some people it is less than a year while for others it can be several years. If you surround yourself with support, you can come to accept your depression AND accept that you can move through it successfully each day.

Accepting something like depression usually leads to recognizing some losses. This is grief; mourning. Don't be afraid to talk about it with healthier supportive people- people who don't take the role of accuser and don't take the role of fixer. They will accept your depression, have compassion for you and will even have limits with you (not treat you like a victim). Eventually, when you can accept you have depression without self-condemnation, you will be free to cope with it and overcome it every day.

When I was a young driver in the Minnesota winters, I remember one weekend my older brother

asked me to drive to his home in North Minneapolis and help him rehab his house. I'm not sure how helpful I was except that I was definitely a good grunt. I drove up from the south suburbs of the Twin Cities for the weekend, worked hard until Sunday only to drive home after a good snow storm. I remember driving onto the on-ramp of the freeway focusing on the huge snow bank to my right that I did not want to run into. The problem is that in winter driving, you usually go where you are looking and that is exactly what I did. My front tire caught the snow bank and twisted my car right to the very top of that snow bank. I was stuck (and quite frightened).

In your depression, in your effort to try not to be more depressed, you can be tempted to focus on your depression and all of its symptoms but this most likely will leave you stuck in the very depression you were trying to avoid. Accept you are depressed but move the depression to your side vision. Work a treatment plan but it doesn't need to be the major focus of your attention. Allow yourself some relationship time, allow yourself a walk, a break, a funny, time with friends and loved ones, a good meal and more. Yes, at times there needs to be a direct looking at your depression and its various components but not 24/7. Visualize it moving to your side vision and redirect your focus to daily living things like getting dressed, freshening up, connecting with a few others in your life, going to work and so on. Letting go of this total depression focus will not prolong your depression--I promise.

Written by Scott Hendrickson, LCPC