Hello Everyone! It's Wednesday and as you know, that means it is time for another article. This week Scott Hendrickson brings to us a great post on forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of those things that is easy to understand but often times very difficult to experience. Scott uses some great examples, I think you will find this article very enlightening! Here is what he has to say:
I often wonder what to say to the person who cannot be forgiven. That person (perhaps it is you) has been offered forgiveness through a sermon or by a Christ-follower or THE person offended or violated by you but feels strongly that no matter the redemption offered, it cannot be accepted due to the level of shame he or she carries. Evidently, it is believed, some of our past or simply who we are cannot be overcome with such a simplistic act of forgiveness. It could never be deserved--never! Forgiveness cannot be accepted, moreover should not be accepted.
While that might be true to an extent, I would suggest a few other points to consider before you stop reading.
Pardon my grammar but forgiveness ain't cheap. True forgiveness comes with a great price. That is why the term 'redemption' is often used interchangeably. Think about it! Imagine you want to give your child a great playground as a gift. You research online and realize the kind of quality you want to provide cost $50,000.00. The sticker shock makes you flip your computer off in disgust. You don't have that kind of money so you spend the next several weeks brooding and defeated because what you wanted to provide costs so much.
Finally, you decide to work side jobs and overtime and to skip your daily Starbucks runs and even lunch in order to save enough to buy just the materials. After a year of working more, feeling weak and sleeping less because you didn't allow all the extra work to reduce the time you spent with your beloved child, you save enough to purchase the materials and have them delivered to your backyard.
You knew all along however that your work wasn't finished. Now you had to build it. You dug footings, poured concrete, lifted heavy beams and figured out complex angles so each joint fit together perfectly and safely. Brain cramps, bloody and painful splinters, (and knuckles), aching joints and muscles all were added to the cost of your gift.
Now your child is watching with wonder and perhaps some gratitude for all your hard work. She (or he) sees this has been difficult for you. However, along the way the child earned bad grades at school and was often serving detentions for mischievous behavior. At home the child rarely made his bed or completed chores as expected. Not for a lack of positive attention and parenting mind you--the child was simply challenging.
Finally after all of your planning and working and a much thinner wallet, you are excited to present your gift when the child returns from school. The bus pulls to the corner, the child steps off without her backpack (the one you spent fifty bucks for and is loaded with the textbooks you purchased and the now unfinishable homework). You are greeted with a somber face and the words, "sorry dad or mom, I lost my backpack and books".
While this hurts and you now have to work another side job to pay for it (because eight year olds can't get a job to pay for it themselves), you accept the child's apology, give consequences but then hugs and
I often wonder what to say to the person who cannot be forgiven. That person (perhaps it is you) has been offered forgiveness through a sermon or by a Christ-follower or THE person offended or violated by you but feels strongly that no matter the redemption offered, it cannot be accepted due to the level of shame he or she carries. Evidently, it is believed, some of our past or simply who we are cannot be overcome with such a simplistic act of forgiveness. It could never be deserved--never! Forgiveness cannot be accepted, moreover should not be accepted.
While that might be true to an extent, I would suggest a few other points to consider before you stop reading.
Pardon my grammar but forgiveness ain't cheap. True forgiveness comes with a great price. That is why the term 'redemption' is often used interchangeably. Think about it! Imagine you want to give your child a great playground as a gift. You research online and realize the kind of quality you want to provide cost $50,000.00. The sticker shock makes you flip your computer off in disgust. You don't have that kind of money so you spend the next several weeks brooding and defeated because what you wanted to provide costs so much.
Finally, you decide to work side jobs and overtime and to skip your daily Starbucks runs and even lunch in order to save enough to buy just the materials. After a year of working more, feeling weak and sleeping less because you didn't allow all the extra work to reduce the time you spent with your beloved child, you save enough to purchase the materials and have them delivered to your backyard.
You knew all along however that your work wasn't finished. Now you had to build it. You dug footings, poured concrete, lifted heavy beams and figured out complex angles so each joint fit together perfectly and safely. Brain cramps, bloody and painful splinters, (and knuckles), aching joints and muscles all were added to the cost of your gift.
Now your child is watching with wonder and perhaps some gratitude for all your hard work. She (or he) sees this has been difficult for you. However, along the way the child earned bad grades at school and was often serving detentions for mischievous behavior. At home the child rarely made his bed or completed chores as expected. Not for a lack of positive attention and parenting mind you--the child was simply challenging.
Finally after all of your planning and working and a much thinner wallet, you are excited to present your gift when the child returns from school. The bus pulls to the corner, the child steps off without her backpack (the one you spent fifty bucks for and is loaded with the textbooks you purchased and the now unfinishable homework). You are greeted with a somber face and the words, "sorry dad or mom, I lost my backpack and books".
While this hurts and you now have to work another side job to pay for it (because eight year olds can't get a job to pay for it themselves), you accept the child's apology, give consequences but then hugs and
reassurance. You then smile and lead your child to the backyard to give him the brand new, ready to
play on playground.
It's hard to imagine this kind of grace even as a parent. The child doesn't deserve such a costly gift. That's the thing however, gifts aren't earned and forgiveness can never be earned. You can pay penance for your wrong but then it is not forgiveness but rather time served. Remember the old saying, "don't do the crime if you can't do the time"? If you commit a crime and then do the time you will be set free but not because you were forgiven. You paid for your crime.
There are some crimes we could never pay for except with our lives such as murder. The only way you could be free again is through forgiveness; a pardon. There are many sins that we could never do enough to make right again: an extra-marital affair, abuse, years of neglect, cheating someone out of an experience or an opportunity. Forgiveness is the only way to be free from sin. But it's neither free nor cheap.
I am making your point you say? You don't deserve forgiveness therefore cannot, will not accept such a thing. Well, have you considered the cost the forgiver has paid?
Go back to the playground you just graciously and lovingly provided your child. Imagine if at that moment you took the giant red bow off the playground, your child is overcome with remorse, even shame and says, that's nice and oh such a beautiful playground mom but I don't deserve it! I lost my books, I am gonna fail third grade and my behavior has been unforgiveable! I don't deserve it, I didn't earn it and so I cannot accept it. I will not allow myself to be free to play on this fancy structure.
For several weeks or months you might invite your child to go play on the jungle gym or do back flips on the lifetime guaranteed to land softly, looks like real grass Astroturf but each time says no, dad, I cannot accept it. And the child never enjoys the benefit of your gift and neither do you.
When we reject forgiveness, we don't take into account that if offered, the price has already been paid. The footings have already been dug, concrete already cured, structures finished. It cannot be returned. Of course you can never get back the sweat and blood and tears and time and energy and monies and emotional investment and...all else that cannot be detailed but indeed paid for.
Yeah, but like you said, you didn't earn it...right...but it was still paid for and you and the payer cannot freely go forward until fully accepted.
This is what forgiveness does. It releases you from having to pay for what you could never pay for so you can live freely AND it allows the offended to be free to move on from their hurt or loss.
The fact is that we are all offenders and by nature continue to offend and so constantly need forgiveness so we can continue to move forward in life. According to the words of Christ we have to both receive forgiveness and give forgiveness and that is the ONLY way we can be saved. Jesus paid the ultimate price--His life for our sinfulness so we could be forgiven and then He says, freely you have received now freely give [forgiveness].
It's hard to imagine this kind of grace even as a parent. The child doesn't deserve such a costly gift. That's the thing however, gifts aren't earned and forgiveness can never be earned. You can pay penance for your wrong but then it is not forgiveness but rather time served. Remember the old saying, "don't do the crime if you can't do the time"? If you commit a crime and then do the time you will be set free but not because you were forgiven. You paid for your crime.
There are some crimes we could never pay for except with our lives such as murder. The only way you could be free again is through forgiveness; a pardon. There are many sins that we could never do enough to make right again: an extra-marital affair, abuse, years of neglect, cheating someone out of an experience or an opportunity. Forgiveness is the only way to be free from sin. But it's neither free nor cheap.
I am making your point you say? You don't deserve forgiveness therefore cannot, will not accept such a thing. Well, have you considered the cost the forgiver has paid?
Go back to the playground you just graciously and lovingly provided your child. Imagine if at that moment you took the giant red bow off the playground, your child is overcome with remorse, even shame and says, that's nice and oh such a beautiful playground mom but I don't deserve it! I lost my books, I am gonna fail third grade and my behavior has been unforgiveable! I don't deserve it, I didn't earn it and so I cannot accept it. I will not allow myself to be free to play on this fancy structure.
For several weeks or months you might invite your child to go play on the jungle gym or do back flips on the lifetime guaranteed to land softly, looks like real grass Astroturf but each time says no, dad, I cannot accept it. And the child never enjoys the benefit of your gift and neither do you.
When we reject forgiveness, we don't take into account that if offered, the price has already been paid. The footings have already been dug, concrete already cured, structures finished. It cannot be returned. Of course you can never get back the sweat and blood and tears and time and energy and monies and emotional investment and...all else that cannot be detailed but indeed paid for.
Yeah, but like you said, you didn't earn it...right...but it was still paid for and you and the payer cannot freely go forward until fully accepted.
This is what forgiveness does. It releases you from having to pay for what you could never pay for so you can live freely AND it allows the offended to be free to move on from their hurt or loss.
The fact is that we are all offenders and by nature continue to offend and so constantly need forgiveness so we can continue to move forward in life. According to the words of Christ we have to both receive forgiveness and give forgiveness and that is the ONLY way we can be saved. Jesus paid the ultimate price--His life for our sinfulness so we could be forgiven and then He says, freely you have received now freely give [forgiveness].
Forgiveness is the only way any relationship and any life can be saved. Might I encourage you to add value to the forgiveness offered you by rejecting shame altogether, accepting redemption fully, and then do some back flips, run around on the great Astroturf of life (ok that was cheesy) and experience the joy of a redeemed, reconciled relationship AND a redeemed life. Yes, receive freely and go play and then look back and see the joy of your redeemer's face!
Written by Scott Hendrickson, LCPC
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