The Masks We Wear

By Mary Ann Griffith, LCPC

         As I was contemplating writing this week’s blog entry, I asked a few friends what you think is a common issue that most people suffer from.  One friend said “a fear of rejection” and another said “a fear of being abandoned”.  I began to think about my life and how I handled those fears day in and day out.  I realized that most of us hide those fears behind the relational masks we wear.  No one wants to be perceived as fearful or unlovable, so we pretend and protect ourselves from those fears becoming a reality by wearing masks. 

         

         I can remember clearly a point in my life where I decided it was safer to pretend then to make myself vulnerable to rejection.  I was thirteen and was sharing with my youth group leader something I had been struggling with and his reply was “Seriously, people have bigger problems. You just need to realize that you have it better than most people.”  Right then and there, I decided NEVER again was I going to share what was really going on with me because I would just feel stupid and embarrassed.  That was the day I started wearing a mask. 

         

         It wasn’t until many years later, I realized that the masks I had chosen to wear were not really protecting me, but rather preventing me from ever really feeling accepted.  I was allowing my fears to dictate my behaviors, rather than allowing God to heal me. I wanted God’s love and acceptance, but I knew the only way I could truly experience it was to begin to take off my masks. 

         

         I knew that if I was ever going to take my masks off and leave them off, I was going to first figure out what kinds of masks I was wearing.  This is when I stumbled across a book authored by Russell Willingham called “Relational Masks:  Removing the barriers that keep us apart”

         

         In this book, the author outlines six types of masks that people commonly hide behind and the common things they say or do.  Listed below are the masks he outlined is his book.

1.    The Avoider

 You might be an avoider if:

·      You get along with everybody and never make waves

·      You procrastinate a lot or fail to finish the things you start

·      People in your life are always accusing you of avoiding things

2.    The Deflector

You might be a Deflector if:

·      You get nervous any time the conversation turns serious

·      You talk a lot but say very little

·      You focus on everyone else (fixing, caretaking and so on) keeping the heat off you

3.    The Self-Blamer

You might be a Self-Blamer if:

·      You think constantly about your failure, stupidity or sinfulness

·      You think everyone else is smarter, more godly or more disciplined than you are

·      Guilt is your constant companion

4.    The Savior

You might be a Savior if:

·      You believe that everyone else’s need is more important than your own

·       You love serving God and others, but occasionally resent it

·       You are hurt when others fail to acknowledge your sacrifices

5.    The Aggressor

You might be an Aggressor if:

·      You have lots of opinions and you’re not afraid to share them

·      You can’t stand people who don’t take action

·      You have a bad temper

6.    The Spiritualizer

You might be a Spiritualizer if:

·      You believe that emotions get in the way of spirituality

·      You see Christians with different beliefs or practices as less spiritual than you

·      You hunger to recognized as a spiritual person

         Which mask do you wear?

         After reading his book, it was clear to me that I had worn all of these masks at one time or another in my life and that the only way I was going to be able to lay those masks aside was to give them and the wounds they covered over to God. 

If you are covering wounds with one or more of these masks, ask God today to heal those wounds and remind you of whom you really are in him.