Our Own Private Opinion

“Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion."

Excerpt From: Henry David Thoreau. “Walden.” 

Imagine for a second if you are told one of the following phrases:  "You are worthless." "Nobody will ever love you." You probably would be highly offended and rightfully so.  In our society, these are not things you tell someone you value a friendship with, and you don't say these things even to complete strangers, unless you are looking to increase your chances of getting a black eye!  But these two phrases, despite their hurtful nature, are not uncommon things that we mutter to ourselves, sometimes without even taking notice.

The hurtful things we tell ourselves on a daily basis can have incredibly negative effects on our emotional state.  Negative thoughts lead to negative feelings.  The effects of negative thinking can leave one feeling depressed or anxious, depending on the specific thoughts and the specific individual.  The correlation between the thoughts we have and how those thoughts make us feel have been studied for many years now. The result of these studies are that improving our thinking can improve how we feel emotionally.

Sometimes identifying our negative thoughts can be tricky.  This is where the benefit of seeking a professional counselor comes in.  For some, the knowledge of specific thoughts are obvious but the knowledge of how to confront these thoughts is where it gets difficult.  For example, let's say that your negative thought was, "I am worthless."  You would need to challenge this thought by giving yourself examples and reasons why this is not true.  After you have compiled your evidence that challenges your negative thought, then it is time to replace you thought with a more accurate one.

As humans we go to extremes, as odd as it is, because it's simpler for our minds.  This is why mildly hurtful events can turn into devastations.  If a friend is harsh with you, it might be that he/she was having a hard day and not because "you are a worthless friend," as your mind might have you believe.  Challenging and replacing negative thoughts and replacing them with more accurate ones is key to maintaining emotional stability.  If you are finding this difficult, please don't hesitate to see a professional counselor. 

By: Nicholas Smith, MA, LPC