The holidays bring with them assorted emotions, kind of like a box of assorted chocolates. You take a bite and it might not taste quite like you expected! We can get feelings of joy and happy expectancy in the festive atmospheres that abound during November and December. Then an encounter with a relative over event planning or gift giving can change that once happy emotion to one of dread.
Often the way we respond to a disappointment can make the difference between getting replenished or cycling downward to a negative attitude about holiday activities. As we all know, there are good and bad ways to respond when conflicts arise. Here are a few self-care responses to try when the going gets tough during “Tis the Season.”
- Reach out to someone safe. If a comment stings or a disagreement erupts, talk to someone (preferably outside your family or relationship circle) who will listen and understand and can help you shake it off and move forward in the right direction.
- Walk away from an escalating situation. This will stop it from becoming out of control. Take some time to think and relax. Go for a walk, listen to music, pray and spend time with God until you feel calm again. Our thoughts are much more rational when we are in a relaxed state versus an angry one.
- Persevere. Don’t give up on yourself or the people you love. Focus on your own responses, what you can do to handle things in a mature way, regardless of the other person. It’s much more productive to work on changing ourselves rather than trying to change someone else.
- Be gentle with yourself. So often we want things to be perfect and when they’re not we might be hard on ourselves or someone else because they’re not. There are so many things to manage during the holidays; our time, our appetites, the appearance of our homes and ourselves, and all those relationships! Remember that nothing is perfect and letting the flaws roll off your back will enable you to enjoy what is and embrace those you love with grace and laughter.
- Remember you always have choices. Sometimes the best option is to set a boundary for yourself, which might mean saying no to an invitation that will remove any chance of margin in your life. You can also set internal boundaries such as committing to yourself that you will stay away from certain topics of conversation that could trigger a conflict and that when they arise, you will change the subject.
- Keep in mind the purpose of what you do. Think about your values and what is most important to you. Are your holiday activities in line with those values? If not it might help to think about your choices and make the necessary changes. Otherwise live out the season with an awareness of the good reasons you’re choosing to do what you do.
- Be creative. Maybe an old holiday tradition isn’t working for your family (or you) anymore. Can you try something new and different that might make the time more relaxing or energizing and enjoyable? Maybe downsizing some things, a different menu, some new gift ideas or games to play. Let your imagination and memories work together as you think about what might make this holiday season better than ever.
These are just a few of the ways you can take care of yourself during those hectic times of festivity making. And it always helps to keep in mind why we’re celebrating – Thankfulness for all we have, and the One who has made it possible to have what we have because of His amazing love and sacrifice, grace and forgiveness. Now that is worth celebrating!
By: Francine Costanza, LCPC
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