The Complexity of Emotion

People are complex. Life is complex. Things are not always clear-cut. That’s true for emotions, too. They can be very complex. Sometimes it’s clear what we are feeling. Something goes right and we feel happy. Something goes wrong and we feel frustrated. But sometimes it’s not so clear what we’re feeling. Either the emotions are mixed-up so we can’t tell what we’re feeling right away, or we’re feeling more than one emotion at once – sometimes even conflicting emotions. 

This is because often times a happy event (let’s say a wedding for example) also brings with it emotions of stress and sometimes even a sense of loss – you’re happy you’re getting married and wouldn’t change it for the world, but you’re stressed about planning it and everything that entails, and there may also be a sense of loss about leaving the stage of life you’ve been in or the level of independence you had as you move into more interdependence. The opposite can happen, too, where something that is overall a sad event also has elements of relief or even happiness. Sometimes emotions are layered – we might notice a protective emotion first (like anger), but underneath that anger is a more vulnerable emotion (like fear or sadness). 

Let’s give space to ourselves and others to feel emotions – all of them, even when there are multiple emotions, and even when there are conflicting emotions. Remember not to let the emotion control your behavior. Instead, take time to recognize what you’re thinking (in general or about situations leading up to the emotion) and figure out what you need. Be aware when interacting with others that a situation that may seem positive to you, may be negative or mixed for someone else. Instead of immediately stating what you would perceive the situation to be, take time to reflect what you see the other person experiencing; therefore validating their emotional experience. For example, “You look torn about this”. If you aren’t sure what they’re experiencing, ask. For example, “I can’t tell how you’re feeling about this…what are you experiencing?” By putting these things into practice, the complexity of emotion can become less daunting. Our emotions will also better be able to serve their purpose of helping us experience life, connecting to ourselves and others, providing us with information, and giving us energy to appropriate action rather than reacting.

By: Adrienne Kather, LPC