Envy is one of those 'little' sins that most of us don't worry about too much. Really now, it can't be that big of a deal can it? It certainly doesn't hurt my neighbor if I secretly despise him because he has a better lawn or house or gadgets does it? For sure it doesn't hurt Hillary or Donald if I am disgruntled because they are both uber rich. Perhaps not but let me suggest other ways envy hurts--in fact destroys.
Envy strikes at the heart of your ability to be happy. Ask yourself how many times a week do you find yourself dissatisfied because something in your life--your clothes, health, financial presentation, number of vacations you get, where you can or cannot go on vacation, your spouse, your kids’ academic, athletic or musical performance, or fill in the blank is not up to the expectations you have set in your heart.
Envy is a feeling of discontent with regard to another person’s success, advantages, or possessions. More often than we care to admit, the standard of our unmet expectations comes from what another person has. Think about this: when you look at someone else who appears to have better and believe you should be the same, you give up autonomy. No longer are you in control of whether you can be happy because it depends completely on another person's status--a status that you do not control.
Try something different from envy. Look across to your neighbor or the source of your envy and practice being happy for them. The Apostle Paul wrote way back in the first century, "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn". While it may feel a bit like 'fake it til you make it', you will make it and the burden of your own envy will begin to dissipate.
At first the instinctive force of envy will resist the attempts to be happy for someone else's status like storm waves pounding on the rocks. Envy is a force to be reckoned with in every person’s life. Hear yourself flat out refuse to be happy for another person's status. Listen to your thoughts as they try to justify envy with social justice arguments. In this case, envy is the devil and if you could hear me like one of those old time preacher’s passionate plea, "resist the devil! And he will flee from you!!"
Envy is a model for not only your children to follow but the rest of the kids in the neighborhood as well. We teach children to compare their status only with those with perceived better statuses and we essentially teach our children to be unhappy. See how this could be destructive to them as they grow older?
Envy leads us to feel like we have experienced a loss even though we can't lose what we never had. Perhaps you have a real loss and your envy is in part rooted in that loss. Children don't understand this and will learn to be unhappy via the early learned practice of envy. Might I suggest to you grieve your losses well but avoid the practice of envy as a grieving instrument. Envy might in fact delay your recovery from any painful loss.
Envy leads us to be vulnerable to shady ad campaigns and political agendas. More so than at any other time in my lifetime, politicians have pitted people groups against each other for votes. It also seems like destructive anger is escalating. Envy might lead to social change but certainly not for the better. Again envy takes away your autonomy and gives it to the politician who more than likely will get richer and more powerful off a generation's envy AND at the expense of their general contentment. Can you see how each of us are vulnerable to be manipulated via drummed up envy?
When I was a kid, my parents heated our house with oil. I remember a huge underground tank that had to be refilled every so often to keep the heat on. There were a few times my parents scrambled to buy fuel for heat due to hard times. It was a costly fuel that needed replenishment. Envy is an unlimited fuel to your daily frustration or even anger and it powerfully burns away our ability to be content.
Fact is, challenging yourself to be content and redirecting the continuous flow of envious thoughts to a higher ground will not only lead to a better quality of life for you but the kids in the neighborhood and ultimately the world around us.
By: Scott Hendrickson, LCPC
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