Identifying Denial (Part 1)

Welcome!  This week’s article is brought to you by me, Nicholas Smith, the host of Heritage’s Blog.  Denial is often a word used in the realm of addiction recovery.  In those settings it’s not uncommon to hear someone say, “Denial, it’s not just a river that runs through Egypt.”  Though denial is often spoken about with addictions, I’d like to point out that denial can be common in anyone’s life.  Part of understanding ourselves fully is uncovering these areas of denial.  Here is what I have to say:

Denial is a powerful force.  It is as clear as day to others, yet it is hardly ever considered an issue for those experiencing it.  So how do we identify those things in our lives that we might be in denial about?  Or the question that I get more often is, "How do I get _____ to understand how this is impacting his/her life and relationships?"  

If you are the person seeking to understand denial in your own life, the task is much less complicated than the person attempting to help another address their denial.  One of the main reasons is because the persons asking for themselves, is inviting insight into their own life.  It's very difficult to impose insight.  This week, I would like to discuss, how to address denial in your own life.  Check back on the Heritage blog next week for the second part, which will address helping others with their denial.  

So, if you are the person questioning if you are living in the dark about the power something has in your own life, I first would like to say “congratulations”!  It's not easy to ask yourself this question.  You perhaps have something in mind, maybe you wonder if you watch too much TV, or perhaps drink a little too much.  First, ask yourself, "What would my life look like if I did not have this in my life?"  Try to give your self a clear visual of your day-to-day experiences.  Would you be free to follow more worthwhile pursuits?

Next, give yourself a reason why you should attempt the change.  Keep emphasizing the good that will come from the change.  How will your life improve because of this change?  Our bad habits and addictions often are reinforced by story we build around them. We tell ourselves that by watching TV or drinking etc. that we will feel relaxed or have fun. We have to create new stories. It's my belief that people have difficulty with diet and exercise not because it is too difficult, but because we consistently tell ourselves, "this is too hard for me."

Finally, surround yourself with like-minded people. Alcoholics Anonymous isn't successful just because of the formula. The magic isn't in the equation, it's in the relationships.  A+B doesn't equal anything a majority of the time unless you intentionally surround yourself with people to help you out.  

Working through denial is difficult. All along the path to overcoming your hang-up are opportunities to listen to the voice of denial. Remind yourself of the alternative story, the one that leads you to your goals and passions. You can make it through, especially if you get the support and help you need. 

By: Nicholas Smith, MA, LPC