Transitions

Transitions are difficult. Whether it is transitioning from one job to another, one home to another, to a different life stage, or any other transition, there always seems to be an element of difficulty even when the transition is good. There is one transition that we all experience – that is the transition from childhood to adulthood commonly known as adolescence. This is a uniquely difficult transition. There are expectations from peers, from teachers, from parents, and from one's self - all while trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be. 

Expectations

Expectations can be both positive and negative. Realistic expectations can be positive in that they encourage us to go beyond where we are currently – they encourage us to stretch and grow. They can also provide a type of accountability, a sense of responsibility to reach the goal that was set, even when it was only a goal set by one's self. However, expectations can also be negative in that they can be unrealistic or unfitting for the person or life stage the person is in. We don’t always realize when an expectation is unrealistic and can be negatively affected. Even when we do realize that it is unrealistic or doesn’t fit us, it can still negatively impact us if those who have the expectation won’t let go of it and use it against us or unduly try to influence us towards reaching it or becoming what it is they think we should become. 

That is difficult to figure out how to manage for anyone. Now think of an adolescent who is still developing coping skills, still developing critical thinking skills, still learning how to think about themselves and others, still figuring out who they are. Imagine them trying to sort through and manage all the different expectations – some probably positive, some possibly negative – while they are still developing, learning, and figuring out who they are. It has the potential to make for a lot of different difficulties – even blockages in the very development they are unknowingly trying to attain. 

Who am I?

I’ve mentioned in other blog articles how adolescence is defined differently by different theorists. Some define the space as far as twelve to twenty-five (twenty-five is usually about the time the frontal lobe, where decision making ability is located, finishes developing). For today, we’ll define it as the years with “teen” in them – thirteen to nineteen. In Erik Erikson’s stage development theory, this is about the age range where we are figuring out who we are, it’s called the identity vs. role confusion stage. 

If we successfully complete this stage we will have a balance between knowing who we are and contributing to society and on the path of having a solid sense of self and of others – understanding our own thoughts, wants, needs, feelings and those of others. We will have developed the strengths of fidelity and devotion. If we don’t successfully complete this stage, we will not have a clear sense of self or others or will not have a balance between the two, which would feel to me as a bit of internal chaos or unsettled-ness or insecurity. It would make sense that this would negatively influence future stages where we find connectedness in significant life relationships and find meaning in how our lives have been shaped and influenced others. So, this is a very important developmental milestone.

It is because of being in this stage (even though they don’t realize it) that adolescents tend to push back and push away from their parents and move more towards peers and other role models. One of the important pieces of finding out who you are is being able to see yourself as your own person apart from your parents. Up until this time, so much of how we see things, even ourselves, is very connected to our parents and their views. 

Application

We know transitions are difficult even when they are good. The transition of adolescence is uniquely difficult due to the pull from multiple expectations while trying to figure out who they are. Many adolescents would benefit from having a safe place to learn the coping skills and other life skills that they need both to manage the various expectations they experience as well as help them in their process of finding their identity. Heritage Counseling Center will be starting such a group this fall. If you are an adolescent interested in the group or are a parent who is interested in finding out information for your adolescent, call 815-577-8970. 

By Adrienne Kather, LPC